We're back again, with the culmination of our coverage of Wrestlemania season 2016: Wrestlemania itself.
General production notes: As I mentioned in my introduction, we had a bit of a technical boo boo and my laptop used its own mic to record the show, not my Blue Yeti. I'm still not quite sure what happened there. So yeah, apologies if the audio goes a bit wishy washy on occasion. I did everything I could in the edit to eliminate any noise between us talking. Thankfully it was still clear enough to make out what we were saying to each other. Even though Mania itself was disappointing, we still had loads of fun with the material it offered us.
Anyway, below are some little footnotes, visual aids and time stamps for coverage of specific matches which I hope you find useful.
Intro
With my love of the intro music of Manias VI to VIII and my addiction to my Vince impression, I thought I'd pastiche the old style of Wrestlemania intros. I had to stand away from the mic to record that, I was loud enough to distort the audio on previous attempts!
PROGRESS Wrestling are an independent promotion here in Britain. They're London based but have been running shows in Manchester every couple of months as of this year. I've been to two of those shows now and both have been full of great wrestling. If you'd like a sample of what they're capable of, their Chapter 13 show is available for free on Youtube here.
Going back to what Kyle mentioned about the fans turning face on Triple H out of respect for coming back from his first quad tear, just check out his return to Raw in Madison Square Garden. One of the most phenomenal ovations I've ever seen. Jim Cornette can talk all he wants about Hunter being "the guy that was there with the guys that drew the money" but the fans were clearly desperate to see him return at this point.
US Title Match
Just to give you an indication of how empty the stadium was when the match started
For the benefit of anyone who doesn't follow football, John Terry is the captain of Chelsea. When they were last in the Champions League Final, he was suspended. However, he still turned up for the presentation of the trophy, in his kit and everything, to claim it as club captain. This turned into a meme where people would photoshop Tezza into other trophy and awards ceremonies to claim the awards himself.
Usos vs Dudleyz
Kelsey Grammer is of course most famous for playing Dr Frasier Krane in Cheers and Frasier.
"Legends who bankrupted Gawker (brother)" - just in case you've been living under a rock... IC Title Match
This is going to go a bit "Oscars" looking at the parade of outfits here. So, we have...
Sin Cara in a banana thing
Ryder in a great overcoat
Sami in his "golfer lad" get up
Miz in his solar panel
First Trimester Question Time
Normally I'd have put the promos we talked about here, but I spliced a couple of them (most of Austin's awesome Whataburger promo and the concluding back and forth between Jericho and Rock on Jericho's debut) into the actual episode to give you a break from the "Skype from 2010" quality of our recording. Kyle also alluded to DX invading WCW (but it got edited out for time) and Shawn superkicking everyone. Going back to the Whataburger promo, January 2002 was one of my favourite times for promos. Austin, Rock and Angle were all brilliant in this time period. Rocky especially, taking the piss out of Coach and cameramen. AJ vs Y2J
I think this is a good shot for illustrating our confusion at Y2J's tights...
"Stick it in Hermie!" - at some point in 2000 Rock thought Kevin Kelly was a hermaphrodite and started calling him Hermie. At one point he made him pick his own nose.
As he promised, Zack found Razor and grabbed a photo.
New Day vs The League
New Day's outfits were incredible (White Ranger and Dragonball Z inspired). I used the "Wild Pokemon Battle" music for the bed as I talked through their entrance.
Women's Title Match
Here's Lita, overwhelmed by the weight of her microphone.
Great side by side comparison of Sasha and Eddie's gear here. I'm sure you'll know by now because commentary brought it up, but Eddie was Sasha's favourite wrestler and she was actually in the Cow Palace to see him win the title at No Way Out 2004.
— Future WWE Diva ♡ (@DamiIrwinStyles) 16 April 2016
"Would you like a schmoke and a pancake Shasha Banks?" - Austin Powers Goldmember reference, naturally. Harping back to my DVD reviews, I'd use him in the verdict because his I always wind up using his "That's a keeper!" line.
Sign Watch
The opening bed was the theme tune to BBC show Crimewatch. "You can't sit with us!" as I mentioned is a line from Mean Girls (one of my favourite movies). Again, for non-sporting people, Bobby Zamora is a striker who plays football for Brighton & Hove Albion. Owen Coyle is a former manager of Bolton Wanderers. He was in the midst of getting Burnley promoted to the Premier League for the first time at the time of Wrestlemania 25. Hell in the Cell
Linda at ringside!
"Shaaaane. Jump off the fucking ceeeeellllllll."
Incidentally, the next episode of Raw after recording, Shane was given control AGAIN, so I've really no idea what they're doing. Andre Memorial
It was August 2009 they had Shaq guest host, it's so strange to think they've been waiting all this time to pay off his interaction with Show.
I can't be the only one who thinks if you take the rosy cheeks of Bo Dallas...
...and add the saucer eyes of Edge...
...then you get Baron Corbin (or Barry Corbz for short - hi WEnxt Podcast)
And yes, The Wyatts genuinely were at the New York Stock Exchange to ring the opening bell.
The fastest match in Mania history before this was actually Chavo Guerrero vs Kane at 24. Bundy's match at Mania 1 had actually been bested several times since it happened (including by Bryan and Sheamus actually). Main Event
"Unless they were saying boo-urns"
The Simpsons Season 6 "A Star Is Burns"
"He was flanked by loads of Ingobernables types" - the skulls and suits combo reminded me of New Japan's Los Ingobernables de Japon faction, headed up by recently crowned IWGP Champion Tetsuya Naito.
As far as Steph's outfit goes, I'll just leave this here...
Next Time
As we mentioned at the end, our next episode will rewind things to 10 years ago, as we check out Wrestlemania 22. Clearly there are a lot of comparisons to be made with the main event of that show and this one, but maybe we'll find they have even more in common with each other.
So we'll be with you again very soon. But in the mean time you can keep in touch with us on Twitter and Facebook. We are now also on Stitcher, where you can find all our latest episodes as they are released, just as you can by subscribing to us on Soundcloud.
We are back again continuing our look at the Road to Wrestlemania with WWE Fastlane 2016. As well as our episode below, you'll find some more general notes and visual references on what we talked through just to give you some visual aids and stimulation.
We hope you enjoy the show and we'd love to hear from you if you have any comments for us. You can reach us on Twitter and Facebook and follow us on Soundcloud. I've been tweaking our RSS Feed in hopes of getting us on iTunes as well - we'll let you know if we get accepted!
General production notes: It's our first episode in the sound studio! Hence the general increase in audio quality. We recorded one week prior to WWE Roadblock. I also had the good fortune of finding a copy of WWE Anthology for £3 the last time I was in CEX, so I wound up using a few snippets from that this episode (Warrior, The Brood and Shane's themes). With there being so many road/travelling/car similes and puns this Wrestlemania season I used Dean Ambrose's theme on the intro (it's literally a car engine revving).
* 0:32 WWE changing the name of Roadblock wasn't going to stop me getting in my South Park "March of War" joke... eat Snacky Smores.
* I was of course borrowing the late Mike Graham's assessment of Jeff Jarrett. Kyle made a great call highlighting Rock's concert for Sacramento. "They got some fat ass women and The Rock is gonna just say no".
* Ziggler's hair. Just.. why?
Also, Triple H during the mutton chop era...
If Kyle despairs at how you look, then that beard really doesn't work for you Hunter
* I wasn't kidding. Jimmy Snuka is almost certainly responsible for the death of a young nurse way back in the early 80s. The case is only recently becoming of interest again and has only been adjourned due to doubts over Snuka's mental health.
* Finn & Bayley have got up to loads of antics at NXT House Shows. She dressed as a Lego person for Halloween (Finn loves Lego) and copied his entrance to cheer him up when his leg was injured. He then returned the favour by imitating Bayley's entrance. Then of course there was the infamous Dirty Dancing homage.
* Kyle: "I don't want a face full of ass... as a finisher."
Duncan: "I don't want it as a finisher but...
* I simply had to make an "I'm from Winnipeg, you idiot" reference in our talk of home towns - probably one of the all time great heckling responses ever by Jericho.
* As alluded to last episode, "Superkick Parties" are really the Young Bucks' gimmick. Also, here is Tapout's logo
* Jim Ross makes everything sound more dramatic. The Ryback vs Big Show and Elimination Chamber matches we mentioned when discussing overhearing wrestlers calling spots were both in Botchamania's Most Botched Matches of the year for 2013 and 2015 respectively.
* I was air quotes Dr Evil style when introducing "Charlotte" after spotting how her name appeared on her Titantron last episode (and when talking about how we have Brie vs Lana to "look forward to").
"Char-lotte"
* "Me biscuit's falling in me brew!" - both Kyle and I are from Bolton, so Peter Kay jokes are kind of in our DNA now. For anyone not from Brtiain, we like to dunk biscuits in our tea here, and Peter used to joke about how when they'd fall in when they got too soft it felt like it'd happen in slow motion, like "Charlotte"s Frankensteiner.
I used Warrior's theme and The Brood's theme as beds for the segment since they were two of our choices. Our others were "Glass Shattered" by Disturbed (Austin's 2000/01 theme), "Superman" by Stereophonics, "Faith Hope Love" by Starsailor and "The Pretender" by Foo Fighters.
Do let us know what entrance music your wrestler would have - which theme used by a wrestler currently/in the past and which song in general. We'd love to hear from you, either in the comments here or one our Soundcloud track, or reach us on Facebook or Twitter.
* As Kyle showed me during recording, that Y2AJ shirt was totally a thing! And it basically only existed so Jericho could burn one in his Smackdown promo right after he turned on AJ.
"Leave the memories aloooone!"
* Miz's Piper's Pit clone is, of course, called Miz TV. AJ actually knocked some teeth of Miz's loose with a backhand.
* Here's the eipsode of Botchamania featuring Cole and King losing it over Chimel announcing "the-a gravy bowl invitation for the World Wrestling Federation Wimmin's Chipionship".
* Kyle saying he thought Christian's Rusev impression sounded Japanese gave me the perfect excuse to relive those two "photographers" getting interviewed at Wrestlemania IX.
* "You can't have a Ferrari engine in a tank". That was the analogy Husky Harris (now Bray Wyatt) used to describe himself when he debuted in Season 2 of the original NXT.
* I was thinking of Lesnar's post UFC 100 victory speech...
"Frank Mir had a horseshoe up his ass. I told him that a year ago. I
pulled it out of him and beat him over the head with it. [Now] I'm
going to drink a Coors Light. That's right a Coors. Bud Light don't pay
me nothing. I may even get on top of my wife tonight."
Next time: We'll hopefully have an episode covering WWE Roadblock with you real soon. Be sure to keep an eye on our Twitter and Facebook for more news when we firm things up.
Yes, as promised/threatened, we're up and running with our first episode of Then, Now, Whatever: The Wrestling Podcast. We'd love to hear from you all if you have any comments, would like to add anything to what myself and Kyle were discussing or just let us know what you think in general.
As usual, this blog post is here to give you some visual references and stimulation (ooh er missus).
We hope you enjoy listening below. We'll be back to discuss Fastlane in our next episode in the very near future, so be sure to keep up with us on Twitter and Facebook.
General production notes - with the studio closed, we had to improvise and record on our producer/tech monitor Edd's Sony Xperia phone. It sounded surprisingly decent! Edd then did a bit of work re-levelling stuff (which I probably didn't make any easier for him by being louder and closer to the mic than Kyle) and then I butchered it into the edit you hear here :). All future episodes will either get recorded on my Blue Microphones Yeti or in the college sound studio.
0:20 I'm not joking, Kyle is studying for his PGCE to teach drama while also holding down part time work at weekends and roles as an extra in several TV shows. He's previously been in Waterloo Road, Cilla and Coronation Street, and also very recently in BBC One drama Moving On.
0:53 Here's Amway's logo as it appears on the arena.
1:50 They took our jeeerbs! (Appropriately enough one of the episodes this joke appeared in was the one about wrestling.)
Also, get a loads of Konnor's wedgie! And Mark Henry's hip swivel.
Intercontinental Title match - "And here come the pretzels", from The Simpsons season 8, "The Twisted World Of Marge Simpson". It's immediately what I think of whenever there's a big pile of plunder getting thrown in the ring.
Also yet more references to Owens' antics on Twitter. The Melissa Joan Hart feud started with this Tweet here
Here's the spot with Cena and Barrett at TLC 2010 Kyle was referring to.
Tag Team Title match - Big E's dancing again drawing me back to Season 8 of The Simpson ("The Springfield Files")
Just to clarify on my stance on The Young Bucks, I usually still enjoy their matches despite their total ineptitude using these repeated superkicks, which is a testament to their creativity and workrate.
For those of you who aren't British children of a certain age, Lurpak Spreadable used to run commercials featuring a miniature cheese man playing the trombone. Woods' gimmick always reminds me of it.
30:44 Who wears a suit jacket without another top on underneath, seriously?
I'm sure you know already, but the line "I wish you died in the womb" is from one of the all time worst Raw segments with Nikki discussing her motivation for turning on Brie at Summerslam 2014. Watch here if you dare.
Sufferin' succotash son! My introduction of AJ Styles was homaging New Japan's excellent ring announcer, who very calmly says the wrestler's moniker then BELTS out their actual name. "Cuppa coffee in the big time YEEEAHH" is a Macho Man line (who else?).
As he went onto explain, Kyle is a MASSIVE mark for Triple H.
Kyle's wet dream
John Morrison was another master of the quirky Royal Rumble hang-on, much like Kofi.
My confusion over which Wrestlemania we were on is all down to WWE dropping the number from the event and replacing it with symbols (Play instead of 31 for Silicon Valley, Lonestar instead of 32 for Texas) because apparently the number on the end makes the event seem "old". Yep.
Also I completely forgot Brock DID get his title rematch at Battleground, only for it to end in a no contest, so I guess he can still lay claim to a title match. The other thing was there was a segment at the Rumble where Heyman approached Stephanie about renegotiating Brock's contract, so he could have used that against the Authority to wrangle Brock into the Fastlane match.
...But that's a story we can deal with next time. Hope to see you then.
Hello everyone. This will have a bit of a different format to my usual reviews - coming soon in the very near future myself and my friend Kyle - @kazze23 on Twitter - will be starting our very own wrestling podcast! TNW: Then, Now, Whatever will begin recording in mid-February with a look back at the 2016 Royal Rumble. We've then got lots of ideas for how we'll continue things thematically covering both wrestling past and present (hence Then, Now) and other things (Whatever).
This post is to give you a little bit of a preview of how things will work with the show. All our episodes will be uploaded to our Soundcloud account http://soundcloud.com/tnwpodcast, and will then be followed up by posts here on this blog that will be a kind of "director's cut" of the show with links, explanations and visual references to some of the things that get brought up in the show. This edition is just me messing around with my wonderful Yeti ("Ye-taaaah") from Blue Microphones but future editions will be myself and Kyle coming to you from a fully fledged sound studio.
This show was included as an extra on he Wrestlemania 22 DVD release, and I actually stayed up to watch it live at the time so I thought it would be a laugh to see how it's aged.
* 1;21 here's that run of promos in full, along with that stone age "hide behind a skirt/take it like a man" theme song.
* 4;06 Sorry, it was Dr. Heiney and Nurse Slobberknocker! Here's the segment in full if you can stomach it.
* 7:47 This was my first time reviewing a show with commercial breaks so I thought it's be fun to add some wrestling themed adverts. The three I chose were Kurt Angle's Pizza Outlet commercial, one of Macho Man's Slim Jim ads (naturally) and the Raw 1000 advert.
* 10:27 RKO OUTTA NOWHERE, sorry my delivery was a bit pants there.
* 33:41 Vince McMahon always called inverted atomic drops "reverse piledrives" when he did commentary. Incidentally, whatever you do, don't Google "reverse piledriver".
* General notes: there's a wee bit of influence from some of my other favourite podcasts throughout, particularly my Jerry Lawler impression, which is practically identical to the Attitude Era Podcast's, and "THE RULES" when JBL explains the beer drinking contest came from OSW Review's V1.
* Oh yeah, this is the first Pay Per View for the awesome "We promised you a great main event tonight..." brand ident.
The opening video is all about power and control, highlighting Steph, Vince and Eric on the war path and outlining what people could vote for - including Flair begging to be put in a cage ("A CAGE!!!"). Weirdly the opening pyro goes off before the "And now..." intro. Hey look! Joey Styles is on commentary with King because Coach is in a match (haha).
*Edge, Lita and "The Masterpiece" Chris Master come out for their tag match. This was part of the Raw vs Smackdown feud at the time so people voted for two Smackdown guys to face them. Computer-side Todd Grisham outlines the options - Christian, Matt Hardy, Hardcore Holly, JBL or Rey Mysterio. Naturally Matt Hardy (31%) and Rey Mysterio (29%) win. Rey's got his pre P.O.D Booyaka song that sounds like Daddy Yankee.
*Hang on... Edge isn't wrestling tonight. He says beating either man does nothing for him. (In reality he had a torn pec) He doesn't care about them, Raw, or what the fans voted for. Edge: "I care about MEEE!" Joey: "Shocking!" His replacement is Snitsky.
Match 1: Snitsky & Chris Masters (r/ Raw) vs Matt Hardy & Rey Mysterio (r/ Smackdown)
Masters Pearl Harbours the faces as Snitsky enters. King: "I thought it was still Halloween when I saw Snitsky's face come out." Beautiful one armed stalling suplex by Masters on Rey. Hey, there's both a Smackdown and Raw referee in the ring! They argue over who counts the fall. Sign in the crowd: "Austin Flakes Again". Snitsky tags in and tries copying Masters' suplex but Rey small packages him and again the refs get in each other's way. They coordinate eventully. Masters tags in with a great series of backbreakers. Another sign: "Mom did U vote?" Rey tries the wheelbarrow bulldog but Chris just plants him face first for 2. RESTHOLD.
Headscissors by Rey sees both fresh tags both sides! Matt hits the world's lowest baseball slide to get Masters off the apron. King: "That was like one of Coach's dropkicks." After a struggle the Side Effect gets on Snitsky gets 2. Twist of Fate is countered only for Matt to hit a weird, botched super DDT thingy that was more like a superplex.
Masters breaks the count, almost eating a Twist of Fate, but after Matt ducks a Snitsky clothesline Chris shoves him into a Snitsky boot - nice. Masters tags in, hits a gorgeous butterfly suplex and a surfboard, working the back. Matt slugs out but gets clotheslined, allowing Masters to tag. Huge jumping suplex by Snitsky gets 2. RESTHOLD. It's on the arm rather than the back they've worked on so fans chant "Snitsky sucks!" King: "Can you understand these fans here in San Diego?" Joey: "I think they're saying Snitsky creates a partial vacuum with his mouth."
Massive spinebuster and a guillotine by Snitsky. Matt hits a second rope clothesline on a newly tagged Masters, but Chris hooks his leg as he crawls for the tag and Snitsky tags in to wipe Rey off the apron. BOO! Snitsky catches a Matt crossbody but his front powerslam is countered into a reverse DDT! TAGS BOTH SIDES! FLYING DICK TO THE FACE by Rey! Springboard crossbody gets 2. An interfering Snitsky winds up posting himself and Rey tries to Tornado DDT him... but gets thrown off into the UNBREAKABLE MASTERLOCK! Rey tries kicking off the buckles but Masters keeps the hold on his back. The Smackdown ref counts Chris' shoulders down but the Raw ref stops him and they argue. Matt legdrops Chris to break the hold and shit cans both heels.
Stereo top rope crossbodies to the heels on the outside by Rey and Hardy! Back in, Rey tries a springboard sunset flip and Masters holds his ground... but Matt clotheslines him! 1... 2... no! Fans were into that. Snitsky sneakily tripped Rey up as the refs got Matt out, allowing Masters to hit an AWESOME torture rack into an airplane spin neckbreaker! 1... 2... Matt breaks the count. Snitsky tries to backdrop him but eats a HUUGE swinging DDT! Hardy drop toe holds Masters to the ropes... 619! Twist of Fate! Torpedo Splash by Rey! 1, 2, 3!!!
Winners: Matt Hardy & Rey Mysterio
Verdict: 8/10. Wheeew! What a long match. It had a really interesting story with the two refs. Some of Matt and Snitsky's exchanges were awkward but Masters was hugely impressive here, especially his exchanges with Rey (I'd have love to have seen more between the two, even a singles match) and the final minutes from Rey's hot tag onwards were GOLD.
* Mick Foley gets a cheap pop backstage and wonders if his luggage got mixed up with someone off camera. Oh, it's Maria, who agrees since she's wearing the Mankind mask. She takes it off ("Interesting smell!") and gives it back, but because she's stupid she thinks her entire outfit is Mick's, so she removes her top and panties (off camera) too. Maria: "Have a nice day!" Mick: "...I think I just did." King on Maria: "Not much upstairs but what a staircase!"
* Aw yeah, one of the best lame theme tunes ever heralds the arrival of Rob Conway. *Randy Newman voice* Juuust look at me! He's been on an "anti-legend" campaign so to speak while feuding with Eugene, so fans vote for a legend to team with Eugene. Bischoff gave Conway Tyson Tomko as a partner because he's still mad at Eugene for shaving his head last year. Choices are: "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan ("I wanna beat somebody up!"), "The Uganda Giant" Kamala and "Superfly Murderer" Jimmy Snuka (who looks ancient). Snuka (43%) wins. If only they knew...
Juuust look at me!
Match 2: Rob Conway & Tyson Tomko vs Eugene & Jimmy Snuka
Tyson obviously overpowers Eugene to start. Eugene winds him up over starting a knucklelock, chops his throat and slams him. He teases tagging Snuka but Conway (still in his shades!) cheapshots him. He tags officially and gets a Scott Steiner tribute elbow for 2. Nice dropkick, then a tag to Tomko who hits a neat powerslam for 2. A freshly tagged Conway withstands Eugene's JYD headbutts out of his RESTHOLD and cheapshots Snuka. Eugene escapes a double team and clotheslines Rob. Tag to murderer. Chops and headbutts galore. Tyson nails him but gets shit canned by Eugene, who counters Conway's one man Magic Killer with a jawbreaker. Him and Snuka take turns headbutting Rob before a Eugene Rock Bottom and Snuka Superfly Splash gets the 3.
Winners: Eugene & Jimmy Snuka.
Tomko blindsides the faces as they celebrate, but the other legends come out. Three point stance clothesline by Duggan and Ugandan Splash by Kamala takes Tomko down and the faces celebrate.
Verdict: 3.5/10. Mostly harmless, with Snuka wisely kept out of most of it. Outside of a couple of moves from the heels there wasn't anything all that inspired here. It suffers for being next to that awesome opening tag.
* Carlito is out with his ace red apple sky blue shirt. He's challenged Foley but the fans vote for which "Face of Foley" he faces: Dude Love, Cactus Jack or Mankind. The landslide winner was Maaaaankind (52%). A video recap of the "feud" shows Foley on Carlito's Cabana at Raw Homecoming calling him a horse's ass. He then cut a fun promo as each of his personalities, the best being Mankind's riff on Mick's old "O' Candido" promo from Smoky Mountain Wrestling ("If you're into cotton tacos, say hello to Mr. Socko!"), promising Carlito will leave "skid marks in his speedos".
Mankind is in a shirt and tie but has his New Generation era music. Carlito does well with jabs and a dropkick but Mankind doesn't go down, and scores with an elbow and rakes the back, then the eyes over the rope. He hooks Carlito in the Tree of Woe to hit the running elbow, then catapults him to the middle rope (same as the opening match, Fuck you Finlay). Baseball slide (Joey: "and heeee's out!") and a neckbreaker on the floor by Mankind, who rocks sat upright. He chases Carlito with a chair(!) but eats a drop toe hold to the steps! Carlito follows up with a dropkick sending the back of Mick's head to the steps again!
Side Russian Leg Sweep and a strange spot where Carlito sneaks underneath Mankind for an electric chair both get 2. Carlito hooks a sleeper but Joey points out the leather mask is stopping it being fully effective. Mick grabs Carlito's hair to mare him over his shoulder. Stereo clotheslines put both men down. Makind sits up, rocks some more and pulls his hair out before running through his comeback: running knee to the corner, Cactus clothesline, elbow from the apron, double arm DDT, then Socko's arrival (in a Carlito wig to boot haha) brings the Mandible Claw, and Carlito's out. The relaxing Mankind New Gen music plays after his victory.
Winner: Mankind
Verdict: 6/10. I remember Mick saying he was disappointed in this match and I can see why. The flow was so basic with Mick dominating early, Carlito controlling the middle then Mick steamrollering him at the end. What keeps this just about above average is the story of the Mankind mask protecting Mick's head and Mick returning to some of the older Mankind character beats (the raking, the rocking the hair pulling).
* Eric Bischoff is on the phone and furious. Mr McMahon arrives, supposedly to late to the show (kayfabe!), missing the Raw vs Smackdown tag he was looking forward to. He expresses disbelief at hearing Raw lost and tires of Eric's excuses before asking where his "kill or be killed" instinct went and wishing him luck with the other inter-promotional match, Coach vs Batista haha!
* Todd is about to reveal the result for the main event vote, as the two losers challenge for the tag titles next. WWE Champion John Cena will defend the title against Kurt Angle and one more man - Big Show (who's REALLY big at this stage), Kane or Shawn Michaels. HBK (46%) wins and tries to shake hands with the losers but only Show obliges.
Match 4: World Tag Team Championship Match - Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch (C) vs Big Show & Kane
The challengers' pyro scares Joey. King: "Aren't you loving these guys' entrances?" Joey: "You put me on this side as a rib didn't you?"
The champs try to stall outside so the challengers do the old pincer move to trap them for a double noggin knocker by Show. Kane & Murdoch start. Trevor tried to leave but Show stopped him. He throws a fit and pushes Kane, so he eats an uppercut. King: "I think I saw a molar fly out." Trev finally gets a boot up from Kane's corner clotheslines and tags Cade, who doesn't have much luck either. Show tags in for the "Shhh" chops and mudhole stomping. A rake in the eyes allows Cade to tag out. Naturally Murdoch can't whip Show and gets chopped too. Ouch, Show steps over Trev to tag Kane. Another thumb to the eye sees Lance tag. Him and Kane horribly mistime a big boot spot.
Kane climbs up top but Trev's distraction eventually sees him fall to the outside and eat a Sweet and Sour on the floor by the champs! Back inside an inverted atomic drop by Murdoch is followed nicely by a Cade swinging neckbreaker. Kane sits up! Cade kicks him and tells him to stay down only to get goozled. Cade escapes and the champs try to double backdrop Kane but Trev eats a punt and Lance a clothesline. Tag to Show. He cleans house with clotheslines and headbutts, stacking the champs in the corner. Only Cade eats the splash and Murdoch's back rake is no sold by Show. Top rope clothesline by Kane! He shit cans Trev and directs traffic for a DOUBLE chokeslam to Cade. 1, 2, 3.
Winners: Big Show & Kane (new champs, 1st reign)
Grisham tries a post match interview but Murdoch is begging for a chokeslam too, so the new champs oblige.
Verdict: 6/10. Nothing spectacular here, but the fans reacted well for the win, Cade & Murdoch were very good at isolating Kane and I've always been a fan of Murdoch's expressive performances.
* Oh boy, it's Vader and ooooooooh... Goldust time *Nomn*! They're backstage with Coach, who predicts big things after he slapped Batista's lips off Monday night. Coach: "No announcer in the history of the business has done more than the Coach." If he beats Dave tonight, it's only a matter of time before he's WWE Champion ahahahahaha!!!
* Todd invites the Divas out for the result of the vote for their outfits in tonight's battle royal. Options were lingerie, leather & lace and cheerleader outfits. Todd: "THERE IS NO WRONG ANSWER!" Lingerie (43%) wins. King is marking out. Joey: "I know I'm not as excited as you because that table moved and your hands were on top of it."
* They recap the one night build for Coach vs Batista. Vince told Coach original opponent Stone Cold Steve Austin was in an accident at the weekend. "I don't know whether it's valid or, Coach, whether he's just plain afraid of you." Since Coach is Raw's number one announcer, his initial idea was for Coach to face the number one Smackdown announcer - Funaki! But, after Goldust squashed him, Coach gets cocky and challenges ANYONE from Smackdown. Cue World Heavyweight Champion Batista. Vader and Goldust somehow beat him down long enough for Coach to slap him though!
* Lilian announces the gimmicks fans could vote for in this match: a verbal debate, arm wrestling match or street fight (to which fans yell STREET FIGHT). Styles on Goldust: "I don't know if he'd be the first pick of somebody I'd want watching my back." Then when Vader comes out he says "Now that looks like a bodyguard!" King: "That looks like two bodies." Vader: "It's tiiiime for the paiiin gaaame!" T-Grish says Coach called everyone in his home state of Kansas to tell them to vote for the debate. Of course, street fight (91%) won. King: "Kansas is not that heavily populated of a state."
Match 5: Street Fight - World Heavyweight Champion Batista (r/ Smackdown) vs The Coach (w/ Goldust & Vader, r/ Raw)
Dave gets a gargantuan pop. Goldust and Vader don't leave the ring and Coach stays on the apron. Dave initially forces the heels out with rights. He charges Vader into a corner, then DEMOLISHES Goldust with a spear. Coach tries to sneak in but gets punched. Batista tries to suplex Vader(!) but Goldie whacks him with a cane. Coach steals the timekeeper's belt and the real wrestlers hold Dave down so Coach can whip his back. His mistake is asking them to turn him over so Dave can see him, allowing Dave to escape and clean house with clotheslines and whipping everyone with the belt. Heavily edited spinebuster on Vader sees a chair magically appear in the ring (in the replay you see Goldie brought it in but got spinebustered). Dave hauls Coach up just to SLAP THE PISS out of him. Batista Bomb! 1, 2, 3.
Here's what got edited out
Winner: Batista
Verdict: 3/10. What the hell were they thinking bringing Vader in here? He embarrassed himself. This was thoroughly beneath Batista but he was still treated like a star by the audience and that slap and powerbomb to Coach almost made it worth it.
* Grisham snuck backstage to interview HBK, using a handheld mic while still wearing his Michael Jackson face mic. Shawn knows it's a tough guy business but it's great to be popular. Angle interrupts and proposes they take Cena out so they can settle their tied rivalry (1-1-1). Shawn: "I'll think about it."
Match 6: Fulfil Your Fantasy Battle Royal for the WWE Women's Championship - Trish Stratus (C) vs Ashley vs Candice Michelle vs Mickie James vs Maria vs Victoria
Joey: "I'm just going to let you run with this, King." King, upon seeing Candice gyrating: "Oh I'd love to run with that." Mickie's gimmick is she's a mark for Trish so she applauds when she poses with the belt. As usual with Diva Battle Royals, you just need to be thrown out of the ring, rather than over the top, to be eliminated.
Schmoz to start. Trish tries the Stratusphere on Victoria early but is hauled up top for a brawl. Mickie saves Trish and almost helps her eliminate Victoria. Candice pulls both Trish & James down by the hair from behind. Ashley & Maria whip Vic and Candy into each other. Maria celebrates only for Trish and Mickie to eliminate her. Candy nails Ashley with a forearm and hooks her hanging headscissor choke over the top. She celebrates on the apron but Ashley punches her off to eliminate her. Vic knees Trish right in the damn face with her brace and hits her side slam. Mickie, out for revenge, gets her corner headscissors to try and pull her out. When it fails Ashley tries to help but STILL Vic survives and catapults Ashley over the top to eliminate her, then side slams Mickie.
Now it's Trish's turn for revenge with a really cool handstand into a whirling headscissor. Both girls fight around the bottom rope trying to eliminate each other, Trish hooking her leg under the rope to save herself. Mickie brings Trish back inside and rightly gets clotheslined by Victoria. Ma-Trish! But Vic butt bumps her mid bridge! Mickie saves Trish from getting dumped again, then awkwardly spears Vic through the ropes to eliminate Vic and herself! That looked bad, it's amazing neither girl got hurt. Anyway, Trish wins by default.
Winner: Trish Stratus (still champion)
Todd tries interviewing Trish post match but Mickie hot dogs it, marking out at Trish doing it for herself and being the greatest Women's Champion of all time.
Verdict: 5.5/10. A startling display of competence besides the finish. The Diva Search girls were eliminated fairly promptly and botch-free, plus Trish and Victoria had some neat exchanges.
* Video package for Triple H vs Flair highlights Hunter's devotion to his idol, turning him from a shell of a man into someone who appeared great again "standing in [Hunter's] light". H teamed with Ric at Raw Homecoming just to turn on him, furious he's let people spit in the face of his legacy and "wallowing in mediocrity" as IC Champ. Faint burial of the IC Title there. "I'd be damned if I was going to let somebody tarnish MY memories of Ric Flair." Fans could vote for the match to be one fall, a submission match or a cage match. Naturally, after Flair's campaigning ("A CAGE!") the cage (83%) wins and descends.
Match 7: Steel Cage Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship- Ric Flair (C) vs Triple H
Win is by pinfall, submission or escape. H climbs the cage to do his spit pose, the speed of his ascent worries Joey as he could win by escape. Joey's attempt at putting over the personal feud here has him calling the IC belt "a footnote" and King has to reel him back in, so he points out Trips want to take more than the title instead. Much better. Flair is in a fucking GLORIOUS pink robe that's sequinned and bejewelled featuring pink feather trim. The balls on that man to wear that to a cage match.
King makes an excellent point that when explaining his actions Hunter always talked about Ric in the past tense. In a great bit of body language, Trips watches Flair's entrance standing on the top rope, then comes back down to start the match, as if to say "I could just leave and take your title with ease, but I'm here to fight you and END you." Both men mouth "We're gonna find out once and for all now" to each other.
Lock up to start (in a blood feud?). H takes a swing at Naitch but eats a chop. Woo! Flair: "Bring it on." Again Flair gets the best of the resulting brawl with his chops, a big one knocking Trips down. Hunter replies with the Harley Race high knee, and an Arn Anderson spinebuster. He rams Flair into the cage, naturally busting him open. King: "That didn't take long." Joey points out that with all Ric's scar tissue of course the cage would bust him open. Trips zones in on the wound with a knee drop, grinding and ramming it into the cage and using a head of steam to knock Flair into the cage again. He pulls his knee pad down for another knee drop, waves goodbye and climbs. Naitch gives chase and chops him while on the top rope. Both men hit each other and both get crotched on the ropes!
HHH still tries to climb and in the process pulls some chain from the bracket. He tries to use it for a second rope fist drop... and Ric gets a foot up. Hunter flops. Shin breaker by Flair. Figure Four attempt... but Hunter decks him with the chain! 1, 2... no. He goes to the well again with a fist drop. Flair: "AAH! JESUS CHRIST!" That leads to the ref confiscating the chain to BOOs. H just slaps and pounds Flair. King: "This is uncomfortable to watch. It's reminiscent of what Triple H said - it's about who he is and who Flair used to be." Knee drop to the back of the head and Hunter mocks the strut. Oh you fucker - FIGURE FOUR BY TRIPLE H. Flair: "I'll kill you!" Ric's shoulders are down a couple of times for near falls. Hunter's trash talk drives Flair to spit at him and flip him off before reversing the pressure. Trips rolls again to get the rope break (in a cage?).
H mocks Flair's pre-Figure Four dancing and goes for it again, but gets kicked off right into the cage, busting him open! FLAIR BITES THE WOUND!! Then grinds and drives him into the cage. King: "What's good fo the goose is good for the... Game." Ric fishhooks Hunter's face. Ha, one of the feather's from Flair's robe is stuck to H's back. Stalling suplex by Flair gets a damn near standing ovation. He chop blocks Trips in, as Joey points out, the quad he had surgery on. He really goes to town on the knee Garvin style. Figure Four! The Game's in agony. His shoulders are counted down for 2, causing H to reach for the ropes and Flair to pull him back to the middle and flip him off. Trips has to knock the ref into Ric to break the hold. Naitch knees the leg and climbs. H tries cutting him off but Flair comes off the top with an rope axe handle - AND IT WORKED! 1... 2... no.
LOW BLOW by Naitch. H crumples, but manages to grab Ric's feet when he heads for the door. Flair grabs a chair a ref was conveniently sitting on by the door as he's dragged back in. He swings at H while on his back but Trips stamps on the chair. He takes a swing himself... TESTICULAR CLAW BY NAITCH! He whips Hunter in... oh, but lowers his head too soon! Pedigree... backdrop counter on the chair! Flair then whacks HHH right between the eyes with the chair three times, allowing him to walk out of the door and win!!!
Winner: Ric Flair (still champion) Verdict: 9/10. A flat out classic. By winding the clock back to the old school cage matches these two wound up having one of the best modern day cage matches. Tonnes of dirty tricks by Naitch, and H was great at rubbing Ric's heritage in his face, reminding Flair of the great company he kept by using their moves. Oh, and then the Figure Four. It was bloody, violent, and the best match Flair had in years.
* 6,351,188 votes were cast in total.
Main Event: Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship - John Cena (C) vs Kurt Angle vs Shawn Michaels
FFS the graphic for the title STILL has the Smackdown plate on it. Lol at some guy in the crowd flipping Cena the bird.
Contrary to his earlier offer, Kurt decks HBK from the get go and wears Cena out with uppercuts. Cena sledges and suplexes Angle but Shawn breaks the fall. Kurt tries a back suplex on HBK, but Shawn turns it into a crossbody in mid-air for 2. Angle charges at Cena and get backdropped over the top. Michaels gets whipped by Cena but turns it into a baseball slide to Kurt. Backslide by Cena gets 2. Angle returns with Germans and belly to bellys for both men. HBK sunset flips out of an Angle Slam attempt but Kurt rolls through for the anklelock! Shawn rolls out, sending Kurt into an F-U attempt by Cena. Michaels tries to superkick John but he drops Angle to block and clothesline Shawn - nice sequence. Cena cradles Angle for 2. Sunset flip by Kurt(!) sees Cena stand his ground, Shawn try to crossbody him and John rolling through for 2.
The veteran's double up on Cena, sending him shoulder first to the post. Shawn sets up the Spanish table as Angle sends John to the steps. Joey: "Shawn Michaels wasn't always a choir boy." Wow DOUBLE GORDBUSTER through the Spanish table!! Now the chop war is on. Powerslam by Shawn back inside gets 2. Angle responds with a suplex (for 2) and a bodyscissors. King thinks Kurt should try something more high impact whilst Cena's still down. Shawn brawls out but runs into a belly to belly. HBK then blocks a super belly to belly and goes for the elbow... but Kurt runs the ropes to get a SUPER ANGLE SLAM! 1... 2... NO! The straps are down... CENA'S BACK! He shit cans Angle and clotheslines HBK. Baaack body drop. He starts the five moves of doom but Kurt pulls him out to stop the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Senton plancha by Shawn on both men! Back inside, Shawn starts HIS five moves of doom on Angle, but John returns before he can climb for the elbow.
Flying forearm to Cena by Shawn. Nip up! Right into a belly to belly over the top by Angle!! Holy shit! Angle: "YEEEEAH SCREW YOU!" Protobomb by Cena! U can't C me. Five knuckle shuffle. F-U... countered to the anklelock! Angle hangs on from John's roll throughs and grapevines the leg. Shawn gets up top and elbow drops Kurt! Time to tune up the band... SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO ANGLE! F-U TO HBK!! 1... 2... 3!
Winner: John Cena (still champion) Verdict: 8.5/10. While a lot of the stuff where Shawn had Cena alone in particular was a bit of busy work, this match took off whenever all three men continued to be involved, with some great spots and nice, flowing sequences.
Final Thoughts: Overall this was a thoroughly watchable show. The opening match was great. The match quality took a bit of a dip after that. Despite most of what came between the opener and the cage match being barely above average the show still remained an easy watch, with Eugene and Coach's matches being the only ones to be actively bad. Seeing Mankind again (as opposed to simply Mick Foley) was quite neat, while the super gargantuan Kane & Big Show team becoming tag champs and Trish and Mickie's relationship gave interesting plot points for the future (Murdoch, Trish and Victoria provided some notable performances in those matches too). Then the all time classic cage match kicked things up a notch, with lots of great subtle detail and storytelling to get your teeth into on top of the violence. The main event proved to be a fun outing too, with Angle and HBK delivering the goods as usual and Cena carrying his fair share of things too. That's enough for me to keep this.
TL;DR - Lots of fun to watch with three great matches and even the average matches have something to hook you.
