We're back again, with the culmination of our coverage of Wrestlemania season 2016: Wrestlemania itself.
General production notes: As I mentioned in my introduction, we had a bit of a technical boo boo and my laptop used its own mic to record the show, not my Blue Yeti. I'm still not quite sure what happened there. So yeah, apologies if the audio goes a bit wishy washy on occasion. I did everything I could in the edit to eliminate any noise between us talking. Thankfully it was still clear enough to make out what we were saying to each other. Even though Mania itself was disappointing, we still had loads of fun with the material it offered us.
Anyway, below are some little footnotes, visual aids and time stamps for coverage of specific matches which I hope you find useful.
Intro
With my love of the intro music of Manias VI to VIII and my addiction to my Vince impression, I thought I'd pastiche the old style of Wrestlemania intros. I had to stand away from the mic to record that, I was loud enough to distort the audio on previous attempts!
PROGRESS Wrestling are an independent promotion here in Britain. They're London based but have been running shows in Manchester every couple of months as of this year. I've been to two of those shows now and both have been full of great wrestling. If you'd like a sample of what they're capable of, their Chapter 13 show is available for free on Youtube here.
Going back to what Kyle mentioned about the fans turning face on Triple H out of respect for coming back from his first quad tear, just check out his return to Raw in Madison Square Garden. One of the most phenomenal ovations I've ever seen. Jim Cornette can talk all he wants about Hunter being "the guy that was there with the guys that drew the money" but the fans were clearly desperate to see him return at this point.
US Title Match
Just to give you an indication of how empty the stadium was when the match started
For the benefit of anyone who doesn't follow football, John Terry is the captain of Chelsea. When they were last in the Champions League Final, he was suspended. However, he still turned up for the presentation of the trophy, in his kit and everything, to claim it as club captain. This turned into a meme where people would photoshop Tezza into other trophy and awards ceremonies to claim the awards himself.
Usos vs Dudleyz
Kelsey Grammer is of course most famous for playing Dr Frasier Krane in Cheers and Frasier.
"Legends who bankrupted Gawker (brother)" - just in case you've been living under a rock... IC Title Match
This is going to go a bit "Oscars" looking at the parade of outfits here. So, we have...
Sin Cara in a banana thing
Ryder in a great overcoat
Sami in his "golfer lad" get up
Miz in his solar panel
First Trimester Question Time
Normally I'd have put the promos we talked about here, but I spliced a couple of them (most of Austin's awesome Whataburger promo and the concluding back and forth between Jericho and Rock on Jericho's debut) into the actual episode to give you a break from the "Skype from 2010" quality of our recording. Kyle also alluded to DX invading WCW (but it got edited out for time) and Shawn superkicking everyone. Going back to the Whataburger promo, January 2002 was one of my favourite times for promos. Austin, Rock and Angle were all brilliant in this time period. Rocky especially, taking the piss out of Coach and cameramen. AJ vs Y2J
I think this is a good shot for illustrating our confusion at Y2J's tights...
"Stick it in Hermie!" - at some point in 2000 Rock thought Kevin Kelly was a hermaphrodite and started calling him Hermie. At one point he made him pick his own nose.
As he promised, Zack found Razor and grabbed a photo.
New Day vs The League
New Day's outfits were incredible (White Ranger and Dragonball Z inspired). I used the "Wild Pokemon Battle" music for the bed as I talked through their entrance.
Women's Title Match
Here's Lita, overwhelmed by the weight of her microphone.
Great side by side comparison of Sasha and Eddie's gear here. I'm sure you'll know by now because commentary brought it up, but Eddie was Sasha's favourite wrestler and she was actually in the Cow Palace to see him win the title at No Way Out 2004.
— Future WWE Diva ♡ (@DamiIrwinStyles) 16 April 2016
"Would you like a schmoke and a pancake Shasha Banks?" - Austin Powers Goldmember reference, naturally. Harping back to my DVD reviews, I'd use him in the verdict because his I always wind up using his "That's a keeper!" line.
Sign Watch
The opening bed was the theme tune to BBC show Crimewatch. "You can't sit with us!" as I mentioned is a line from Mean Girls (one of my favourite movies). Again, for non-sporting people, Bobby Zamora is a striker who plays football for Brighton & Hove Albion. Owen Coyle is a former manager of Bolton Wanderers. He was in the midst of getting Burnley promoted to the Premier League for the first time at the time of Wrestlemania 25. Hell in the Cell
Linda at ringside!
"Shaaaane. Jump off the fucking ceeeeellllllll."
Incidentally, the next episode of Raw after recording, Shane was given control AGAIN, so I've really no idea what they're doing. Andre Memorial
It was August 2009 they had Shaq guest host, it's so strange to think they've been waiting all this time to pay off his interaction with Show.
I can't be the only one who thinks if you take the rosy cheeks of Bo Dallas...
...and add the saucer eyes of Edge...
...then you get Baron Corbin (or Barry Corbz for short - hi WEnxt Podcast)
And yes, The Wyatts genuinely were at the New York Stock Exchange to ring the opening bell.
The fastest match in Mania history before this was actually Chavo Guerrero vs Kane at 24. Bundy's match at Mania 1 had actually been bested several times since it happened (including by Bryan and Sheamus actually). Main Event
"Unless they were saying boo-urns"
The Simpsons Season 6 "A Star Is Burns"
"He was flanked by loads of Ingobernables types" - the skulls and suits combo reminded me of New Japan's Los Ingobernables de Japon faction, headed up by recently crowned IWGP Champion Tetsuya Naito.
As far as Steph's outfit goes, I'll just leave this here...
Next Time
As we mentioned at the end, our next episode will rewind things to 10 years ago, as we check out Wrestlemania 22. Clearly there are a lot of comparisons to be made with the main event of that show and this one, but maybe we'll find they have even more in common with each other.
So we'll be with you again very soon. But in the mean time you can keep in touch with us on Twitter and Facebook. We are now also on Stitcher, where you can find all our latest episodes as they are released, just as you can by subscribing to us on Soundcloud.
Hello everyone. This will have a bit of a different format to my usual reviews - coming soon in the very near future myself and my friend Kyle - @kazze23 on Twitter - will be starting our very own wrestling podcast! TNW: Then, Now, Whatever will begin recording in mid-February with a look back at the 2016 Royal Rumble. We've then got lots of ideas for how we'll continue things thematically covering both wrestling past and present (hence Then, Now) and other things (Whatever).
This post is to give you a little bit of a preview of how things will work with the show. All our episodes will be uploaded to our Soundcloud account http://soundcloud.com/tnwpodcast, and will then be followed up by posts here on this blog that will be a kind of "director's cut" of the show with links, explanations and visual references to some of the things that get brought up in the show. This edition is just me messing around with my wonderful Yeti ("Ye-taaaah") from Blue Microphones but future editions will be myself and Kyle coming to you from a fully fledged sound studio.
This show was included as an extra on he Wrestlemania 22 DVD release, and I actually stayed up to watch it live at the time so I thought it would be a laugh to see how it's aged.
* 1;21 here's that run of promos in full, along with that stone age "hide behind a skirt/take it like a man" theme song.
* 4;06 Sorry, it was Dr. Heiney and Nurse Slobberknocker! Here's the segment in full if you can stomach it.
* 7:47 This was my first time reviewing a show with commercial breaks so I thought it's be fun to add some wrestling themed adverts. The three I chose were Kurt Angle's Pizza Outlet commercial, one of Macho Man's Slim Jim ads (naturally) and the Raw 1000 advert.
* 10:27 RKO OUTTA NOWHERE, sorry my delivery was a bit pants there.
* 33:41 Vince McMahon always called inverted atomic drops "reverse piledrives" when he did commentary. Incidentally, whatever you do, don't Google "reverse piledriver".
* General notes: there's a wee bit of influence from some of my other favourite podcasts throughout, particularly my Jerry Lawler impression, which is practically identical to the Attitude Era Podcast's, and "THE RULES" when JBL explains the beer drinking contest came from OSW Review's V1.
* Oh yeah, this is the first Pay Per View for the awesome "We promised you a great main event tonight..." brand ident.
The opening video is all about power and control, highlighting Steph, Vince and Eric on the war path and outlining what people could vote for - including Flair begging to be put in a cage ("A CAGE!!!"). Weirdly the opening pyro goes off before the "And now..." intro. Hey look! Joey Styles is on commentary with King because Coach is in a match (haha).
*Edge, Lita and "The Masterpiece" Chris Master come out for their tag match. This was part of the Raw vs Smackdown feud at the time so people voted for two Smackdown guys to face them. Computer-side Todd Grisham outlines the options - Christian, Matt Hardy, Hardcore Holly, JBL or Rey Mysterio. Naturally Matt Hardy (31%) and Rey Mysterio (29%) win. Rey's got his pre P.O.D Booyaka song that sounds like Daddy Yankee.
*Hang on... Edge isn't wrestling tonight. He says beating either man does nothing for him. (In reality he had a torn pec) He doesn't care about them, Raw, or what the fans voted for. Edge: "I care about MEEE!" Joey: "Shocking!" His replacement is Snitsky.
Match 1: Snitsky & Chris Masters (r/ Raw) vs Matt Hardy & Rey Mysterio (r/ Smackdown)
Masters Pearl Harbours the faces as Snitsky enters. King: "I thought it was still Halloween when I saw Snitsky's face come out." Beautiful one armed stalling suplex by Masters on Rey. Hey, there's both a Smackdown and Raw referee in the ring! They argue over who counts the fall. Sign in the crowd: "Austin Flakes Again". Snitsky tags in and tries copying Masters' suplex but Rey small packages him and again the refs get in each other's way. They coordinate eventully. Masters tags in with a great series of backbreakers. Another sign: "Mom did U vote?" Rey tries the wheelbarrow bulldog but Chris just plants him face first for 2. RESTHOLD.
Headscissors by Rey sees both fresh tags both sides! Matt hits the world's lowest baseball slide to get Masters off the apron. King: "That was like one of Coach's dropkicks." After a struggle the Side Effect gets on Snitsky gets 2. Twist of Fate is countered only for Matt to hit a weird, botched super DDT thingy that was more like a superplex.
Masters breaks the count, almost eating a Twist of Fate, but after Matt ducks a Snitsky clothesline Chris shoves him into a Snitsky boot - nice. Masters tags in, hits a gorgeous butterfly suplex and a surfboard, working the back. Matt slugs out but gets clotheslined, allowing Masters to tag. Huge jumping suplex by Snitsky gets 2. RESTHOLD. It's on the arm rather than the back they've worked on so fans chant "Snitsky sucks!" King: "Can you understand these fans here in San Diego?" Joey: "I think they're saying Snitsky creates a partial vacuum with his mouth."
Massive spinebuster and a guillotine by Snitsky. Matt hits a second rope clothesline on a newly tagged Masters, but Chris hooks his leg as he crawls for the tag and Snitsky tags in to wipe Rey off the apron. BOO! Snitsky catches a Matt crossbody but his front powerslam is countered into a reverse DDT! TAGS BOTH SIDES! FLYING DICK TO THE FACE by Rey! Springboard crossbody gets 2. An interfering Snitsky winds up posting himself and Rey tries to Tornado DDT him... but gets thrown off into the UNBREAKABLE MASTERLOCK! Rey tries kicking off the buckles but Masters keeps the hold on his back. The Smackdown ref counts Chris' shoulders down but the Raw ref stops him and they argue. Matt legdrops Chris to break the hold and shit cans both heels.
Stereo top rope crossbodies to the heels on the outside by Rey and Hardy! Back in, Rey tries a springboard sunset flip and Masters holds his ground... but Matt clotheslines him! 1... 2... no! Fans were into that. Snitsky sneakily tripped Rey up as the refs got Matt out, allowing Masters to hit an AWESOME torture rack into an airplane spin neckbreaker! 1... 2... Matt breaks the count. Snitsky tries to backdrop him but eats a HUUGE swinging DDT! Hardy drop toe holds Masters to the ropes... 619! Twist of Fate! Torpedo Splash by Rey! 1, 2, 3!!!
Winners: Matt Hardy & Rey Mysterio
Verdict: 8/10. Wheeew! What a long match. It had a really interesting story with the two refs. Some of Matt and Snitsky's exchanges were awkward but Masters was hugely impressive here, especially his exchanges with Rey (I'd have love to have seen more between the two, even a singles match) and the final minutes from Rey's hot tag onwards were GOLD.
* Mick Foley gets a cheap pop backstage and wonders if his luggage got mixed up with someone off camera. Oh, it's Maria, who agrees since she's wearing the Mankind mask. She takes it off ("Interesting smell!") and gives it back, but because she's stupid she thinks her entire outfit is Mick's, so she removes her top and panties (off camera) too. Maria: "Have a nice day!" Mick: "...I think I just did." King on Maria: "Not much upstairs but what a staircase!"
* Aw yeah, one of the best lame theme tunes ever heralds the arrival of Rob Conway. *Randy Newman voice* Juuust look at me! He's been on an "anti-legend" campaign so to speak while feuding with Eugene, so fans vote for a legend to team with Eugene. Bischoff gave Conway Tyson Tomko as a partner because he's still mad at Eugene for shaving his head last year. Choices are: "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan ("I wanna beat somebody up!"), "The Uganda Giant" Kamala and "Superfly Murderer" Jimmy Snuka (who looks ancient). Snuka (43%) wins. If only they knew...
Juuust look at me!
Match 2: Rob Conway & Tyson Tomko vs Eugene & Jimmy Snuka
Tyson obviously overpowers Eugene to start. Eugene winds him up over starting a knucklelock, chops his throat and slams him. He teases tagging Snuka but Conway (still in his shades!) cheapshots him. He tags officially and gets a Scott Steiner tribute elbow for 2. Nice dropkick, then a tag to Tomko who hits a neat powerslam for 2. A freshly tagged Conway withstands Eugene's JYD headbutts out of his RESTHOLD and cheapshots Snuka. Eugene escapes a double team and clotheslines Rob. Tag to murderer. Chops and headbutts galore. Tyson nails him but gets shit canned by Eugene, who counters Conway's one man Magic Killer with a jawbreaker. Him and Snuka take turns headbutting Rob before a Eugene Rock Bottom and Snuka Superfly Splash gets the 3.
Winners: Eugene & Jimmy Snuka.
Tomko blindsides the faces as they celebrate, but the other legends come out. Three point stance clothesline by Duggan and Ugandan Splash by Kamala takes Tomko down and the faces celebrate.
Verdict: 3.5/10. Mostly harmless, with Snuka wisely kept out of most of it. Outside of a couple of moves from the heels there wasn't anything all that inspired here. It suffers for being next to that awesome opening tag.
* Carlito is out with his ace red apple sky blue shirt. He's challenged Foley but the fans vote for which "Face of Foley" he faces: Dude Love, Cactus Jack or Mankind. The landslide winner was Maaaaankind (52%). A video recap of the "feud" shows Foley on Carlito's Cabana at Raw Homecoming calling him a horse's ass. He then cut a fun promo as each of his personalities, the best being Mankind's riff on Mick's old "O' Candido" promo from Smoky Mountain Wrestling ("If you're into cotton tacos, say hello to Mr. Socko!"), promising Carlito will leave "skid marks in his speedos".
Mankind is in a shirt and tie but has his New Generation era music. Carlito does well with jabs and a dropkick but Mankind doesn't go down, and scores with an elbow and rakes the back, then the eyes over the rope. He hooks Carlito in the Tree of Woe to hit the running elbow, then catapults him to the middle rope (same as the opening match, Fuck you Finlay). Baseball slide (Joey: "and heeee's out!") and a neckbreaker on the floor by Mankind, who rocks sat upright. He chases Carlito with a chair(!) but eats a drop toe hold to the steps! Carlito follows up with a dropkick sending the back of Mick's head to the steps again!
Side Russian Leg Sweep and a strange spot where Carlito sneaks underneath Mankind for an electric chair both get 2. Carlito hooks a sleeper but Joey points out the leather mask is stopping it being fully effective. Mick grabs Carlito's hair to mare him over his shoulder. Stereo clotheslines put both men down. Makind sits up, rocks some more and pulls his hair out before running through his comeback: running knee to the corner, Cactus clothesline, elbow from the apron, double arm DDT, then Socko's arrival (in a Carlito wig to boot haha) brings the Mandible Claw, and Carlito's out. The relaxing Mankind New Gen music plays after his victory.
Winner: Mankind
Verdict: 6/10. I remember Mick saying he was disappointed in this match and I can see why. The flow was so basic with Mick dominating early, Carlito controlling the middle then Mick steamrollering him at the end. What keeps this just about above average is the story of the Mankind mask protecting Mick's head and Mick returning to some of the older Mankind character beats (the raking, the rocking the hair pulling).
* Eric Bischoff is on the phone and furious. Mr McMahon arrives, supposedly to late to the show (kayfabe!), missing the Raw vs Smackdown tag he was looking forward to. He expresses disbelief at hearing Raw lost and tires of Eric's excuses before asking where his "kill or be killed" instinct went and wishing him luck with the other inter-promotional match, Coach vs Batista haha!
* Todd is about to reveal the result for the main event vote, as the two losers challenge for the tag titles next. WWE Champion John Cena will defend the title against Kurt Angle and one more man - Big Show (who's REALLY big at this stage), Kane or Shawn Michaels. HBK (46%) wins and tries to shake hands with the losers but only Show obliges.
Match 4: World Tag Team Championship Match - Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch (C) vs Big Show & Kane
The challengers' pyro scares Joey. King: "Aren't you loving these guys' entrances?" Joey: "You put me on this side as a rib didn't you?"
The champs try to stall outside so the challengers do the old pincer move to trap them for a double noggin knocker by Show. Kane & Murdoch start. Trevor tried to leave but Show stopped him. He throws a fit and pushes Kane, so he eats an uppercut. King: "I think I saw a molar fly out." Trev finally gets a boot up from Kane's corner clotheslines and tags Cade, who doesn't have much luck either. Show tags in for the "Shhh" chops and mudhole stomping. A rake in the eyes allows Cade to tag out. Naturally Murdoch can't whip Show and gets chopped too. Ouch, Show steps over Trev to tag Kane. Another thumb to the eye sees Lance tag. Him and Kane horribly mistime a big boot spot.
Kane climbs up top but Trev's distraction eventually sees him fall to the outside and eat a Sweet and Sour on the floor by the champs! Back inside an inverted atomic drop by Murdoch is followed nicely by a Cade swinging neckbreaker. Kane sits up! Cade kicks him and tells him to stay down only to get goozled. Cade escapes and the champs try to double backdrop Kane but Trev eats a punt and Lance a clothesline. Tag to Show. He cleans house with clotheslines and headbutts, stacking the champs in the corner. Only Cade eats the splash and Murdoch's back rake is no sold by Show. Top rope clothesline by Kane! He shit cans Trev and directs traffic for a DOUBLE chokeslam to Cade. 1, 2, 3.
Winners: Big Show & Kane (new champs, 1st reign)
Grisham tries a post match interview but Murdoch is begging for a chokeslam too, so the new champs oblige.
Verdict: 6/10. Nothing spectacular here, but the fans reacted well for the win, Cade & Murdoch were very good at isolating Kane and I've always been a fan of Murdoch's expressive performances.
* Oh boy, it's Vader and ooooooooh... Goldust time *Nomn*! They're backstage with Coach, who predicts big things after he slapped Batista's lips off Monday night. Coach: "No announcer in the history of the business has done more than the Coach." If he beats Dave tonight, it's only a matter of time before he's WWE Champion ahahahahaha!!!
* Todd invites the Divas out for the result of the vote for their outfits in tonight's battle royal. Options were lingerie, leather & lace and cheerleader outfits. Todd: "THERE IS NO WRONG ANSWER!" Lingerie (43%) wins. King is marking out. Joey: "I know I'm not as excited as you because that table moved and your hands were on top of it."
* They recap the one night build for Coach vs Batista. Vince told Coach original opponent Stone Cold Steve Austin was in an accident at the weekend. "I don't know whether it's valid or, Coach, whether he's just plain afraid of you." Since Coach is Raw's number one announcer, his initial idea was for Coach to face the number one Smackdown announcer - Funaki! But, after Goldust squashed him, Coach gets cocky and challenges ANYONE from Smackdown. Cue World Heavyweight Champion Batista. Vader and Goldust somehow beat him down long enough for Coach to slap him though!
* Lilian announces the gimmicks fans could vote for in this match: a verbal debate, arm wrestling match or street fight (to which fans yell STREET FIGHT). Styles on Goldust: "I don't know if he'd be the first pick of somebody I'd want watching my back." Then when Vader comes out he says "Now that looks like a bodyguard!" King: "That looks like two bodies." Vader: "It's tiiiime for the paiiin gaaame!" T-Grish says Coach called everyone in his home state of Kansas to tell them to vote for the debate. Of course, street fight (91%) won. King: "Kansas is not that heavily populated of a state."
Match 5: Street Fight - World Heavyweight Champion Batista (r/ Smackdown) vs The Coach (w/ Goldust & Vader, r/ Raw)
Dave gets a gargantuan pop. Goldust and Vader don't leave the ring and Coach stays on the apron. Dave initially forces the heels out with rights. He charges Vader into a corner, then DEMOLISHES Goldust with a spear. Coach tries to sneak in but gets punched. Batista tries to suplex Vader(!) but Goldie whacks him with a cane. Coach steals the timekeeper's belt and the real wrestlers hold Dave down so Coach can whip his back. His mistake is asking them to turn him over so Dave can see him, allowing Dave to escape and clean house with clotheslines and whipping everyone with the belt. Heavily edited spinebuster on Vader sees a chair magically appear in the ring (in the replay you see Goldie brought it in but got spinebustered). Dave hauls Coach up just to SLAP THE PISS out of him. Batista Bomb! 1, 2, 3.
Here's what got edited out
Winner: Batista
Verdict: 3/10. What the hell were they thinking bringing Vader in here? He embarrassed himself. This was thoroughly beneath Batista but he was still treated like a star by the audience and that slap and powerbomb to Coach almost made it worth it.
* Grisham snuck backstage to interview HBK, using a handheld mic while still wearing his Michael Jackson face mic. Shawn knows it's a tough guy business but it's great to be popular. Angle interrupts and proposes they take Cena out so they can settle their tied rivalry (1-1-1). Shawn: "I'll think about it."
Match 6: Fulfil Your Fantasy Battle Royal for the WWE Women's Championship - Trish Stratus (C) vs Ashley vs Candice Michelle vs Mickie James vs Maria vs Victoria
Joey: "I'm just going to let you run with this, King." King, upon seeing Candice gyrating: "Oh I'd love to run with that." Mickie's gimmick is she's a mark for Trish so she applauds when she poses with the belt. As usual with Diva Battle Royals, you just need to be thrown out of the ring, rather than over the top, to be eliminated.
Schmoz to start. Trish tries the Stratusphere on Victoria early but is hauled up top for a brawl. Mickie saves Trish and almost helps her eliminate Victoria. Candice pulls both Trish & James down by the hair from behind. Ashley & Maria whip Vic and Candy into each other. Maria celebrates only for Trish and Mickie to eliminate her. Candy nails Ashley with a forearm and hooks her hanging headscissor choke over the top. She celebrates on the apron but Ashley punches her off to eliminate her. Vic knees Trish right in the damn face with her brace and hits her side slam. Mickie, out for revenge, gets her corner headscissors to try and pull her out. When it fails Ashley tries to help but STILL Vic survives and catapults Ashley over the top to eliminate her, then side slams Mickie.
Now it's Trish's turn for revenge with a really cool handstand into a whirling headscissor. Both girls fight around the bottom rope trying to eliminate each other, Trish hooking her leg under the rope to save herself. Mickie brings Trish back inside and rightly gets clotheslined by Victoria. Ma-Trish! But Vic butt bumps her mid bridge! Mickie saves Trish from getting dumped again, then awkwardly spears Vic through the ropes to eliminate Vic and herself! That looked bad, it's amazing neither girl got hurt. Anyway, Trish wins by default.
Winner: Trish Stratus (still champion)
Todd tries interviewing Trish post match but Mickie hot dogs it, marking out at Trish doing it for herself and being the greatest Women's Champion of all time.
Verdict: 5.5/10. A startling display of competence besides the finish. The Diva Search girls were eliminated fairly promptly and botch-free, plus Trish and Victoria had some neat exchanges.
* Video package for Triple H vs Flair highlights Hunter's devotion to his idol, turning him from a shell of a man into someone who appeared great again "standing in [Hunter's] light". H teamed with Ric at Raw Homecoming just to turn on him, furious he's let people spit in the face of his legacy and "wallowing in mediocrity" as IC Champ. Faint burial of the IC Title there. "I'd be damned if I was going to let somebody tarnish MY memories of Ric Flair." Fans could vote for the match to be one fall, a submission match or a cage match. Naturally, after Flair's campaigning ("A CAGE!") the cage (83%) wins and descends.
Match 7: Steel Cage Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship- Ric Flair (C) vs Triple H
Win is by pinfall, submission or escape. H climbs the cage to do his spit pose, the speed of his ascent worries Joey as he could win by escape. Joey's attempt at putting over the personal feud here has him calling the IC belt "a footnote" and King has to reel him back in, so he points out Trips want to take more than the title instead. Much better. Flair is in a fucking GLORIOUS pink robe that's sequinned and bejewelled featuring pink feather trim. The balls on that man to wear that to a cage match.
King makes an excellent point that when explaining his actions Hunter always talked about Ric in the past tense. In a great bit of body language, Trips watches Flair's entrance standing on the top rope, then comes back down to start the match, as if to say "I could just leave and take your title with ease, but I'm here to fight you and END you." Both men mouth "We're gonna find out once and for all now" to each other.
Lock up to start (in a blood feud?). H takes a swing at Naitch but eats a chop. Woo! Flair: "Bring it on." Again Flair gets the best of the resulting brawl with his chops, a big one knocking Trips down. Hunter replies with the Harley Race high knee, and an Arn Anderson spinebuster. He rams Flair into the cage, naturally busting him open. King: "That didn't take long." Joey points out that with all Ric's scar tissue of course the cage would bust him open. Trips zones in on the wound with a knee drop, grinding and ramming it into the cage and using a head of steam to knock Flair into the cage again. He pulls his knee pad down for another knee drop, waves goodbye and climbs. Naitch gives chase and chops him while on the top rope. Both men hit each other and both get crotched on the ropes!
HHH still tries to climb and in the process pulls some chain from the bracket. He tries to use it for a second rope fist drop... and Ric gets a foot up. Hunter flops. Shin breaker by Flair. Figure Four attempt... but Hunter decks him with the chain! 1, 2... no. He goes to the well again with a fist drop. Flair: "AAH! JESUS CHRIST!" That leads to the ref confiscating the chain to BOOs. H just slaps and pounds Flair. King: "This is uncomfortable to watch. It's reminiscent of what Triple H said - it's about who he is and who Flair used to be." Knee drop to the back of the head and Hunter mocks the strut. Oh you fucker - FIGURE FOUR BY TRIPLE H. Flair: "I'll kill you!" Ric's shoulders are down a couple of times for near falls. Hunter's trash talk drives Flair to spit at him and flip him off before reversing the pressure. Trips rolls again to get the rope break (in a cage?).
H mocks Flair's pre-Figure Four dancing and goes for it again, but gets kicked off right into the cage, busting him open! FLAIR BITES THE WOUND!! Then grinds and drives him into the cage. King: "What's good fo the goose is good for the... Game." Ric fishhooks Hunter's face. Ha, one of the feather's from Flair's robe is stuck to H's back. Stalling suplex by Flair gets a damn near standing ovation. He chop blocks Trips in, as Joey points out, the quad he had surgery on. He really goes to town on the knee Garvin style. Figure Four! The Game's in agony. His shoulders are counted down for 2, causing H to reach for the ropes and Flair to pull him back to the middle and flip him off. Trips has to knock the ref into Ric to break the hold. Naitch knees the leg and climbs. H tries cutting him off but Flair comes off the top with an rope axe handle - AND IT WORKED! 1... 2... no.
LOW BLOW by Naitch. H crumples, but manages to grab Ric's feet when he heads for the door. Flair grabs a chair a ref was conveniently sitting on by the door as he's dragged back in. He swings at H while on his back but Trips stamps on the chair. He takes a swing himself... TESTICULAR CLAW BY NAITCH! He whips Hunter in... oh, but lowers his head too soon! Pedigree... backdrop counter on the chair! Flair then whacks HHH right between the eyes with the chair three times, allowing him to walk out of the door and win!!!
Winner: Ric Flair (still champion) Verdict: 9/10. A flat out classic. By winding the clock back to the old school cage matches these two wound up having one of the best modern day cage matches. Tonnes of dirty tricks by Naitch, and H was great at rubbing Ric's heritage in his face, reminding Flair of the great company he kept by using their moves. Oh, and then the Figure Four. It was bloody, violent, and the best match Flair had in years.
* 6,351,188 votes were cast in total.
Main Event: Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship - John Cena (C) vs Kurt Angle vs Shawn Michaels
FFS the graphic for the title STILL has the Smackdown plate on it. Lol at some guy in the crowd flipping Cena the bird.
Contrary to his earlier offer, Kurt decks HBK from the get go and wears Cena out with uppercuts. Cena sledges and suplexes Angle but Shawn breaks the fall. Kurt tries a back suplex on HBK, but Shawn turns it into a crossbody in mid-air for 2. Angle charges at Cena and get backdropped over the top. Michaels gets whipped by Cena but turns it into a baseball slide to Kurt. Backslide by Cena gets 2. Angle returns with Germans and belly to bellys for both men. HBK sunset flips out of an Angle Slam attempt but Kurt rolls through for the anklelock! Shawn rolls out, sending Kurt into an F-U attempt by Cena. Michaels tries to superkick John but he drops Angle to block and clothesline Shawn - nice sequence. Cena cradles Angle for 2. Sunset flip by Kurt(!) sees Cena stand his ground, Shawn try to crossbody him and John rolling through for 2.
The veteran's double up on Cena, sending him shoulder first to the post. Shawn sets up the Spanish table as Angle sends John to the steps. Joey: "Shawn Michaels wasn't always a choir boy." Wow DOUBLE GORDBUSTER through the Spanish table!! Now the chop war is on. Powerslam by Shawn back inside gets 2. Angle responds with a suplex (for 2) and a bodyscissors. King thinks Kurt should try something more high impact whilst Cena's still down. Shawn brawls out but runs into a belly to belly. HBK then blocks a super belly to belly and goes for the elbow... but Kurt runs the ropes to get a SUPER ANGLE SLAM! 1... 2... NO! The straps are down... CENA'S BACK! He shit cans Angle and clotheslines HBK. Baaack body drop. He starts the five moves of doom but Kurt pulls him out to stop the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Senton plancha by Shawn on both men! Back inside, Shawn starts HIS five moves of doom on Angle, but John returns before he can climb for the elbow.
Flying forearm to Cena by Shawn. Nip up! Right into a belly to belly over the top by Angle!! Holy shit! Angle: "YEEEEAH SCREW YOU!" Protobomb by Cena! U can't C me. Five knuckle shuffle. F-U... countered to the anklelock! Angle hangs on from John's roll throughs and grapevines the leg. Shawn gets up top and elbow drops Kurt! Time to tune up the band... SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO ANGLE! F-U TO HBK!! 1... 2... 3!
Winner: John Cena (still champion) Verdict: 8.5/10. While a lot of the stuff where Shawn had Cena alone in particular was a bit of busy work, this match took off whenever all three men continued to be involved, with some great spots and nice, flowing sequences.
Final Thoughts: Overall this was a thoroughly watchable show. The opening match was great. The match quality took a bit of a dip after that. Despite most of what came between the opener and the cage match being barely above average the show still remained an easy watch, with Eugene and Coach's matches being the only ones to be actively bad. Seeing Mankind again (as opposed to simply Mick Foley) was quite neat, while the super gargantuan Kane & Big Show team becoming tag champs and Trish and Mickie's relationship gave interesting plot points for the future (Murdoch, Trish and Victoria provided some notable performances in those matches too). Then the all time classic cage match kicked things up a notch, with lots of great subtle detail and storytelling to get your teeth into on top of the violence. The main event proved to be a fun outing too, with Angle and HBK delivering the goods as usual and Cena carrying his fair share of things too. That's enough for me to keep this.
TL;DR - Lots of fun to watch with three great matches and even the average matches have something to hook you.
* Opening video hypes Cena getting drafted then the Hell in the Cell ("For every beginning, there comes an end"). Triple H, Bischoff, JR & Batista give their thoughts. Dave: "I know there will be pain, I know there will be blood; I just don't care". The set has a cool gambling/Las Vegas theme.
Oh shit, look who's joined JR and King on commentary - Coach! This will be awkward. I remember interviews with JR and King on WWE.com at the time and their sentiment was they didn't like it and they always try to fiddle with the formula and it doesn't work. If THEY weren't on board with Coach being there how were we meant to be?
Match 1: WWE Intercontinental Championship Match - Carlito (C) vs Shelton Benjamin
Justin Roberts wrongly announces Carlito as the challenger. He was drafted to Raw the Monday before the show & won the belt in his first match, like he won the US Title in his first Smackdown match. They highlight a botched heelo by Shelton as a factor in his loss & question his condition as a result. There are quite a few signs in the crowd for Carlito, with duelling chants greeting both men.
Fireman's carry and flash pin by Benjamin has Carlito begging off. King thinks that immediacy shows Shelton's worried about his condition & having a long match. He impressively jackknifes out of a Carlito headscissors for 2. Carlito resorts to blows but gets kneed in the breadbasket. Finally he knocks Shelton down, but Benji nips up and gets a clothesline, prompting Carlito to try leaving only to be cut off. Carlito ducks a Stinger Splash but Shelton leaps up top and hits a clothesline. 1, 2, no. Benji's starting to look dazed.
Carlito chokes Shelton in the ropes to get the advantage, kicking his head causing him to fall outside to "Shelton sucks" and "Carlito" chants. A trio of slams back inside gets 2. RESTHOLD draws Shelton chants. Carlito randomly jaw jacks with the ref and Shelton school boys him for 2. King suggests Coach gets Carlito's hair do, but not JR - wouldn't fit under his hat!
Benji comes back with a jumping back elbow and Samoan Drop. It takes him a while but he finally fires up with rights, a baaack body drop and inverted backbreaker. 1, 2, no! Benji goes up top but loses his balance. Carlito tries cutting him off but gets hot shotted on the top rope, Shelton bumping outside! Springboard bulldog! 1, 2... no! Carlito undoes the top turnbuckle and hits an awkward Protobomb variant for 2. Dragon whip by Shelton! Stinger Splash... Carlito sends Shelton into the exposed buckle and rolls him up with the tights! 1, 2, 3!
Winner: Carlito (still champion)
Verdict: 7/10. Carlito was surprisingly uninspired working Shelton over, but Benjamin's high spots and the timing of his comebacks helped make for an entertaining match.
* Video package for Christy vs Victoria shows Victoria losing her temper after losing a bikini contest, Christy losing her temper the week after, then Victoria broke a glass... something over Christy's head mid-interview.
Match 2: Victoria vs Christy Hemme
Victoria's heel version of her Milkshake song is interesting. Christy runs to the ring & chases Victoria before being cut off. Hemme punts Victoria when her head is lowered from a whip then bashes her head against the canvas & top turnbuckle, choking her only to get hot shotted. Victoria pulls some of Christy's hair in a hangwoman variant. Lots of chokes - what is this, an early 90s Undertaker match? RESTHOLD. Vegas: "We want puppies". God the screams in this match, it's like the women's final at Wimbledon!
Insert Serena Williams level yelps
Widow's Peak... Christy tries a roll up escape but gets dragged up by the hair and bashed against the buckle. Moonsault... Christy moved! She looks angry and does some hair pull throws. DDT. 1, 2, no! That surprised JR, he was like "A DDTEEE!" Victoria charges Christy in the corner, Hemme tries her split-legged sunset flip but Victoria drops down and grabs the ropes to get the 3!
Winner: Victoria
Verdict: 3.5/10. Very little of substance here. Christy sold anger pretty well but her offence was shit. Surprisingly, so was Victoria's.
* Todd Grisham interviews John Cena. His street lingo is pretty embarrassing in retrospect. He feels like the new kid and asks Todd if he ever was. T-Grish goes on a tangent, revealing he had an "accident" once and got called "Todd Pissham". Cena was like "WTF!?" and returns to the point... being new, he's a target. He calls Christian the weird kid at the back of the bus picking his boogers and Y2J the guy in leopard skin spandex who stuffed his crotch. Too bad for them Cena was "the kid voted most likely to kick someone's ass". The Champ is here!
* The Kane vs Edge feud is covered next, highlighting Kane and Lita's weird relationship before she turned on him at the Gold Rush final. Pain was Kane's only friend but now he's found a pain that hurts so much. We then see the awesomely ridiculous wedding where Kane came out from under the canvas. "By the power invested in me by the Lord... JESUS CHRIST!!" Kane: "I'M BAAAAAACK!"
Match 3: Edge (Mr. Money in the Bank, w/Lita) vs Kane
Kane chases Edge round the ring & gets cut off (just like last match, Dammit D'Lo) only to hit the corner 10 punch, punching past the fan's 10 count. He maims Edge in the corner. Vegas: "We want Matt!" Clothesline over the top by Kane, who notices Lita talking shit to fans so decides to stalk her. Edge fails at a sneak attack. Vegas: "She's a crack whore!" Edge rakes the eyes and avoids getting shit canned but Kane punches him off the apron. King: "These fans say slut like it's a bad thing."
Kane goes to snake eyes Edge into the post but Lita pulls him down to help him escape, throw Kane to the post & hit the spear outside! Edge tries to get a cheap count out. Kane gets in at 8 only to eat a baseball slide dropkick. Edge stomps Kane all over, shouldering him in the corner and kicking the crap out of him springing off the ropes. Kane's absorbing Edge's rights and asks for more, but Edge slips out of a slam and hits the Edge-o-matic. Kane sits up! And gets dropkicked down. And sits up again! Corner clotheslines by Kane. Edge blocks one but leaps off the second rope right into an uppercut!
Snake eyes & lariat by Kane gets 2. He gets punted lowering his head on a whip but comes back with a sidewalk slam. Top rope clothesline... dropkicked out of mid air by Edge! Spear... met with a big boot! Kane wants a chokeslam but has to kick an interfering Snitsky off the apron. Goozle... Lita's in the ring with a chair. She flirts with Kane - it doesn't work! He chokes her, gets the chair & tries to Pillmanize her neck!! As the ref stops it, Snitsky sneaks in with a big boot. Edge covers - 1, 2... no. Fans were biting on that. Edge-a-cution... Kane throws him off like a beast, then goozles Snitsky as he comes off the top. Lita distracts the ref & Edge goes to hit Kane with the briefcase but Kane uses the tron to dodge and it hits Snitsky! GOOZLE! Chokeslam to Hell! 1, 2, 3! Fans loved that finish.
Winner: Kane
Verdict: 7.5/10. Here's how you book a punch-kick match. The opening wasn't anything spectacular but the flow and timing these two had together caused things to really pick up. I was gagging for an Edge vs Undertaker feud after this (if he could get something like this from Kane, imagine what he could do with Taker), he showed much more chemistry with Kane than the year before at Backlash.
* Fuck yeah the Angle-HBK rematch is next so they show highlights from Mania. HBK is interviewed. He seems aghast when Todd claimed Angle guaranteed he'd be the first to make him tap twice. HBK: "Story of my life, 'HBK can you top that?' I dunno. One thing though GUARANTEED! VENGEANCE... will be mine."
Match 4: Kurt Angle vs Shawn Michaels
JR marks out over seeing Shawn's first ever match and calls both men future Hall of Famers. Massive HBK chants greet Shawn in ring. JR claims Kurt's been wrestling since five years old!
Ace go behind by Angle forces a rope break. Oh God, Shawn hangs on for a headlock and I'm getting flashbacks to that bit from Mania. Angle doesn't mess around though, trying a single leg takedown to "Angle sucks" chants. Kurt gets the first knockdown only to get hip tossed & arm dragged. Angle awesomely wrestles from the bottom up to regain control, kneeing Shawn in the arm, causing him to take a breather. MASSIVE chops by Shawn then force KURT to take a breather. Kurt uses Shawn's concern for his arm against him to get a half crab. Michaels gets the ropes. Sunset flip... countered to the anklelock but Shawn rolls through & clotheslines Kurt out. Shawn pursues him outside.
An Angle Slam to the post like at Mania is countered. Kurt then ducks a chop to German suplex Shawn onto the Spanish announce table! Vegas: "Holy shit!" The table didn't break & King wonders if Shawn's head hit one of the TVs under the table top. Angle brings HBK back in, viciously knees him and gets a neckbreaker for 2. MASSIVE uppercuts by Kurt, who powerbombs Michales into the buckle! 1, 2... no. JR: "That may have been the damnedest thing I've ever seen." RESTHOLD. JR: "I wouldn't count Shawn Michaels out if he was on his deathbed." JR gives Shawn credit for using the chops that irritate Angle, but he hits the buckles from a charge and eats a HUGE German! 1, 2... no!
Angle Slam... armdrag counter. HBK gets flattened with a clothesline for 2. Kurt tries a belly to belly superplex but Shawn knocks him off, only to jump into a regular belly to belly. 1, 2, no. King: "I've heard cats say 'quick as Kurt Angle'" RESTHOLD CITY, Kurt cranking the neck ala Orton. Michaels suplexes out and both men brawl. King: "I don't think Kurt Angle can ever afford to throw wrestling out the window." Flying forearm by Shawn! Nip up. It's the HBK comeback special. Jesus his knee nearly hit Kurt's skull on the top rope elbow. He tunes up the band... oh Lord Kurt STEAMROLLERS him with a lariat!!! 1, 2, NO! Another Angle Slam effort... countered to a swinging DDT! 1, 2... no! Kurt's mouth is bleeding.
Michaels tries a suplex but Kurt floats behind for a German! He holds on but gets elbowed SQUARE on the bridge of the nose. Angle Slam! 1... 2... NO. Anklelock attempt... small package by Shawn - 1, 2... NO. Kurt rolls out of a waistlock tremendously to get the anklelock! HBK rolls through & Angle collides with the ref. Oh God, Kurt backdrops Michaels over the top and Shawn lands right on the hurt leg, giving it the hard sell. One smark buys it hook line and sinker: "C'mon Shawn! Don't let us down! C'mon shake it off! *Doctors call for help* Oh c'mon!" Kurt drags him back in. The straps are down. Anklelock! JR: "I'll be damned, Angle's gonna do it after all." Angle holds on despite Shawn's kicking. Rampant HBK chants. He reaches the ropes but Angle drags him back to the middle. Shawn finally rolls through to send Kurt to the post.
JR gets pissed at Coach counting Shawn out. Kurt walks right into a GARGANTUAN SWEET CHIN MUSIC!!! 1... 2... NO! Shawn's still draped over Kurt so he keeps his shoulder up, and just to be safe the ref pretends his hand is hurt too haha. Kurt finally shakes Shawn off and randomly heads up top. JR: "What's Angle thinking here?" King: "You can't think like Kurt Angle, JR... your head would explode." Naturally he's swatted out of mid air with Sweet Chin Music! 1... 2... 3! King: "Coach, can you believe it?" Coach: "I can't believe it!" JR: "Shawn Michaels believes it!"
Winner: Shawn Michaels
Verdict: 9.5/10. Phenomenal as you'd expect. It felt much more organic than the Mania match aside from the finish; rather than the forced "this is going to be a classic" layout of the first match this was just balls to the wall "it's another day at the office but that still means you're getting my best." One of my all time favourite matches.
* Coach snuck backstage to interview Batista. He doesn't fancy Dave's odds, claims it took shady officiating for him to win at Backlash (bollocks) & like an idiot calls him "scared spitless". So Dave calls him an "ASS KISSING suck up" and reiterates he's not scared of Trips or the Cell. "Triple H is going to have to KILL ME to take my title." Ohnoz, Hunter shows up, says nobody beats him in the Cell, cuing a pull apart brawl!
* Randomly there's a sofa in the ring, and Lillian Garica. She introduces the man that's made her like a whirlwind - Viscera! Oh lord. Vis is wearing a huge, ace Heffner jacket. King to JR: "I know you're happily married, but is your wife?" Vis scared her at first but he's shown her what a SEXY man he is haha. She invites Vis to sit down, dims the lights and serenades him with a dodgy song about wanting him to "fill [her] up inside" that degenerates into "I love you"s. Lillian gets on one knee & proposes! Vis says that's heavy which is rich coming from him, but he'll consider it.
THE GODFATHER is here!!! He brought some Hoes! They're wearing fuck all. King: "Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug - it's the HO TRAIN, JR!" JR: "I'm shocked to see The Godfather." King: "I can't believe that with these Hoes in the ring you're looking at The Godfather. What's wrong with you?" JR: "I just said I was SHOCKED to see THE GODFATHER. There's not a damn thing wrong with me!" Godfather says Vis used to be a pimp in training - and you're talking about getting married? You really want one woman for the rest of your life? Or do you want to ride the HO TRAIN! Vis pervs over all the Hoes. Vegas: "Save the Hoes!" Vis: "All aboard the HOOO TRAIIIN!" JR: "He's gots to have it." Lilian breaks down in tears which is impressive. Vis turns back to Lilian on the ramp & says sorry.
* The WWE Title match is next. They recap Cena's shock draft to Raw & Christian interrupting ("you talk like Snoop Dogg but look like Corey Haim"). Cena gave him a five second pose in a nice call back. Y2J was annoyed to hear Christian was number one contender, so he beat up Cena after tagging with him, convincing Bischoff to make it a triple threat.
Match 5: Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship - John Cena (C) vs Chris Jericho vs Christian (w/Tyson Tomko)
Cap's overalls look a little off white. King proposes commentary each pick a guy to bet on and fights over Cap with Coach. Coach: "I know JR will pick John Cena." JR: "...it don't matter who JR picks."
Y2J slaps the piss out of Cena and gets taken down but John winds up double teamed by the Canucks. They try to upstaging each other with chops but Y2J turns on Christian. Tomko botches low bridging Jericho out, so pulls him out & hot shots him on the barricade. Cena hits a jumping hip toss & stomps a mudhole in Cap. Tomko clubs John in plain sight of the ref, so he's naturally told "YOU'RRREEEE OUTTA HEREEE!!!". Some problem solver he is. Christian runs into a Cena body press, then tries to leapfrog out of the corner but gets FUed to the outside!
Top rope reverse elbow by Y2J! Gets 2. A thumb to the eye cuts off a Cena comeback to small "Cena sucks" chants. Bulldog by Jericho! Lionsault... Cena rolls away but runs into a forearm and is taken outside with a baseball slide. Chris sets up the Spanish table to some ECW chants. Cena blocks the attempted suplex through it and DDTs Jericho on the title belt. Cap sends John to the steps & hooks a RSTHOLD back in ring. Cap: "You can't see me!" He runs into a Cena clothesline. King: "I think he saw him". Yet another "ducked head on a whip gets punted" spot as John gets the Protobomb only for Jericho to pull him out into the steps to stop the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cap baseball slides Y2J into referee Earl Hebner, who tumbles painfully onto the Spanish table.
Chris rolls through a knee & tries the Walls but Cap kicks him off into Cena (who'd got on the apron) & rolls him up for 2! Jericho cuts Christian off up top, then Cena powerbombs Jericho as he superplexes Christian!!! Cena gets near falls on both, then fires up with clotheslines, slamming Y2J & drop toe holding Cap onto him face first! U can't C me... DOUBLE FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE. Sunset flips to Jericho... Cap school boys Cena off for a near fall. DOUBLE JACKKNIFE by Chris gets 2, so Cena and Cap double clothesline him then take each other out. E'rbody down! A collision in the corner sees Y2J fall outside. Roll up on Cap: 1, 2... no. FU... rake to the eyes & reverse DDT by Cap! 1, 2... no!
Christian is salivating, and his attempt to bring the belt in allows Tomko to sneak in & clothesline Cena (what is this night of shit run ins?). That only gets 2, so Cap has a tantrum & raises his own hands, but Earl pulls them down and tells him "NO!" Backdrop to the outside by Cena! WALLS OF JERICHO! Cap started to get back in so Y2J springboard dropkicks him & reapplies the hold. Cap sneaks a roll up on Jericho: 1, 2... no. Bulldog ducked... Y2J shoves Christian off an Unprettier attempt... into the arms of Cena! He swings Cap's feet into Chris and hits the FU! 1... 2... 3!
Winner: John Cena (still champion)
Verdict: 8/10. Lots of one man in, one man out stuff, but a great bunch of spots near the end with everyone involved at once, and all three pairings never dull together.
* Oh boy, the Cell lowers to the ominous cage lowering noise. JR puts over Trips has never lost in the Cell (well, one on one) & Dave's never been in it. The feud is recapped from the very beginning. After winning the Backlash rematch, Dave rather dickishly says maybe Hunter isn't good enough, causing him to walk out for a while. Dave then showed Sting level blind faith in trusting Flair only to be betrayed when H came back to make the challenge for the Cell match.
Main Event: Hell in the Cell Match for the World Heavyweight Championship - Batista (C) vs Triple H
The door is chained shut so the Cell hangs over the ring as both men enter. JR: "The list of men Triple H has beaten inside the Cell reads like a who's who: Mick Foley, Chris Jericho, Kevin Nash, Shawn Michaels." King: "Mick Foley openly admitted, JR, that he was never the same man after he faced Triple H inside Hell in the Cell." Ace, Dave's finally got his Saliva theme! He got a huge pop, dare I say bigger than Cena's. He's in all white which is playing with fire. In a great move, he doesn't climb the ropes when posing in the corners because he doesn't want Hunter jumping him. The Cell finally lowers & "the grandfather" in JR warns the audience this won't be family viewing.
Rights by Trips to start, but Dave comes back with a clothesline and sidewalk slam. Both men block attempt to send the other to the Cell. Oh, NOW we get a lock up! Batista powers H down, clotheslining him over the top, slamming the back of his head to the Cell & whipping him into it before Trips comes back by whipping him to the post. Big time Batista chants, as Hunter knocks him off the apron into the Cell from a head of steam! JR: "The Cell has a sadomasochistic personality in my view. It waits for its next victim, much like Triple H." Hunter finds a toolbox(!) and gets a chain from it. He whips it over Dave's back. Urgh, he reaches over the top to choke Batista with the chain, then knocks him off the apron so it's even tighter!
Quickly Dave fights back, hotshotting Trips, whipping him with the chain, driving him back first into the post and corner of the Cell over and over, then finally taking him face first into the Cell. That busts H open... but before the Animal can capitalise the Game hits a beautiful spinebuster! Holy shit Hunter finds a chair WRAPPPED IN BARBED WIRE & whacks Dave in the back with it!! The cuts open up quickly. Batista thankfully blocks a headshot, but eats a facebreaker. Clothesline by Dave. He's got the chair... JESUS he whacks Hunter right in the head with it! JR: "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" He rakes the barbs over H's face!!! Now he grates his face into the Cell. Snake eyes into the Cell! Trips eventually evades Dave's shoulders in the corner and tries a Pedigree on the barbed chair, but Dave backdrops out and gets a front powerslam on the chair. 1... 2... no.
Batista gets the chain... and Hunter lures him into a DDT on the barbed chair! That's his cue to blade. Some dick yells boring as H rams the Animal's wound into the Cell. Hunter's got the hammer. JR: "Not the damned sledgehammer!" Dave slugs back, but his Batista Bomb is backdropped out of. Hammer shot by Hunter! 1... 2... NO! Big Batista chants. Hunter swings for a prone Dave... and gets kicked in the nuts. Batista grabs the hammer, roars and runs at H... and gets punched with the chain! 1, 2... no. Trips goes to the second rope for another chain punch... but Dave gets the hammer head right under Hunter's jaw! He spits blood on impact (yeah sure) & Flair flops. JR: "The slobber knocker of all slobber knockers."
Dave brings the base of the steps in the ring, props it in the corner and splatters Hunter's face into it. Thumbs up? Thumbs down... but Trips gets a colossal low blow. Pedigree!! 1... 2... NO! King: "He can't believe it, Triple H has lived and died by the Pedigree." H sets the stair base flat in the ring. Pedigree on the base?! ...SPINEBUSTER ON THE BASE BY BATISTA!!! Batista Bomb attempt... Trips grabbed the hammer & goes to swing at Dave... but gets hit with the Batista Bomb before he can strike!!! 1... 2... 3! What a great finish, with a great image of Hunter downed, hammer still in hand.
Winner: Batista (still champion)
Verdict: 9/10. Excellent weapons brawl. It started with fundamental "you use the weapon, I use the weapon" booking, but my God the way they upped and upped the violence was just phenomenal. It was great to see some different weapons from the norm (the chain, THAT barbed wire chair, the base of the steps as opposed to the top). Dave might not be a five star wrestler, but he's a great brawler who'll adapt to a gimmick or environment well. Major props to Hunter too.
Final Thoughts: Oh boy, I just loved Spring/Summer 2005 in WWE. This is one of my personal favourite pay per views of all time. It's only a six match card, so of course there's a bit of filler with that daft Viscera angle, but other than that they used the time between matches well with lots of hype packages and interviews. The women's match is the only one that's an outright dud. Besides that, you've got a decent IC Title match, a well booked Kane-Edge match, legitimately one of the best matches of all time from Kurt and HBK, a good WWE Title match and Batista and Triple H's best match together in a great Cell match with some pretty innovative violence. This is the definition of a keeper.
TL;DR - A great, focused show with little that failed to deliver.
