We're back again, with the culmination of our coverage of Wrestlemania season 2016: Wrestlemania itself.
General production notes: As I mentioned in my introduction, we had a bit of a technical boo boo and my laptop used its own mic to record the show, not my Blue Yeti. I'm still not quite sure what happened there. So yeah, apologies if the audio goes a bit wishy washy on occasion. I did everything I could in the edit to eliminate any noise between us talking. Thankfully it was still clear enough to make out what we were saying to each other. Even though Mania itself was disappointing, we still had loads of fun with the material it offered us.
Anyway, below are some little footnotes, visual aids and time stamps for coverage of specific matches which I hope you find useful.
Intro
With my love of the intro music of Manias VI to VIII and my addiction to my Vince impression, I thought I'd pastiche the old style of Wrestlemania intros. I had to stand away from the mic to record that, I was loud enough to distort the audio on previous attempts!
PROGRESS Wrestling are an independent promotion here in Britain. They're London based but have been running shows in Manchester every couple of months as of this year. I've been to two of those shows now and both have been full of great wrestling. If you'd like a sample of what they're capable of, their Chapter 13 show is available for free on Youtube here.
Going back to what Kyle mentioned about the fans turning face on Triple H out of respect for coming back from his first quad tear, just check out his return to Raw in Madison Square Garden. One of the most phenomenal ovations I've ever seen. Jim Cornette can talk all he wants about Hunter being "the guy that was there with the guys that drew the money" but the fans were clearly desperate to see him return at this point.
US Title Match
Just to give you an indication of how empty the stadium was when the match started
For the benefit of anyone who doesn't follow football, John Terry is the captain of Chelsea. When they were last in the Champions League Final, he was suspended. However, he still turned up for the presentation of the trophy, in his kit and everything, to claim it as club captain. This turned into a meme where people would photoshop Tezza into other trophy and awards ceremonies to claim the awards himself.
Usos vs Dudleyz
Kelsey Grammer is of course most famous for playing Dr Frasier Krane in Cheers and Frasier.
"Legends who bankrupted Gawker (brother)" - just in case you've been living under a rock... IC Title Match
This is going to go a bit "Oscars" looking at the parade of outfits here. So, we have...
Sin Cara in a banana thing
Ryder in a great overcoat
Sami in his "golfer lad" get up
Miz in his solar panel
First Trimester Question Time
Normally I'd have put the promos we talked about here, but I spliced a couple of them (most of Austin's awesome Whataburger promo and the concluding back and forth between Jericho and Rock on Jericho's debut) into the actual episode to give you a break from the "Skype from 2010" quality of our recording. Kyle also alluded to DX invading WCW (but it got edited out for time) and Shawn superkicking everyone. Going back to the Whataburger promo, January 2002 was one of my favourite times for promos. Austin, Rock and Angle were all brilliant in this time period. Rocky especially, taking the piss out of Coach and cameramen. AJ vs Y2J
I think this is a good shot for illustrating our confusion at Y2J's tights...
"Stick it in Hermie!" - at some point in 2000 Rock thought Kevin Kelly was a hermaphrodite and started calling him Hermie. At one point he made him pick his own nose.
As he promised, Zack found Razor and grabbed a photo.
New Day vs The League
New Day's outfits were incredible (White Ranger and Dragonball Z inspired). I used the "Wild Pokemon Battle" music for the bed as I talked through their entrance.
Women's Title Match
Here's Lita, overwhelmed by the weight of her microphone.
Great side by side comparison of Sasha and Eddie's gear here. I'm sure you'll know by now because commentary brought it up, but Eddie was Sasha's favourite wrestler and she was actually in the Cow Palace to see him win the title at No Way Out 2004.
— Future WWE Diva ♡ (@DamiIrwinStyles) 16 April 2016
"Would you like a schmoke and a pancake Shasha Banks?" - Austin Powers Goldmember reference, naturally. Harping back to my DVD reviews, I'd use him in the verdict because his I always wind up using his "That's a keeper!" line.
Sign Watch
The opening bed was the theme tune to BBC show Crimewatch. "You can't sit with us!" as I mentioned is a line from Mean Girls (one of my favourite movies). Again, for non-sporting people, Bobby Zamora is a striker who plays football for Brighton & Hove Albion. Owen Coyle is a former manager of Bolton Wanderers. He was in the midst of getting Burnley promoted to the Premier League for the first time at the time of Wrestlemania 25. Hell in the Cell
Linda at ringside!
"Shaaaane. Jump off the fucking ceeeeellllllll."
Incidentally, the next episode of Raw after recording, Shane was given control AGAIN, so I've really no idea what they're doing. Andre Memorial
It was August 2009 they had Shaq guest host, it's so strange to think they've been waiting all this time to pay off his interaction with Show.
I can't be the only one who thinks if you take the rosy cheeks of Bo Dallas...
...and add the saucer eyes of Edge...
...then you get Baron Corbin (or Barry Corbz for short - hi WEnxt Podcast)
And yes, The Wyatts genuinely were at the New York Stock Exchange to ring the opening bell.
The fastest match in Mania history before this was actually Chavo Guerrero vs Kane at 24. Bundy's match at Mania 1 had actually been bested several times since it happened (including by Bryan and Sheamus actually). Main Event
"Unless they were saying boo-urns"
The Simpsons Season 6 "A Star Is Burns"
"He was flanked by loads of Ingobernables types" - the skulls and suits combo reminded me of New Japan's Los Ingobernables de Japon faction, headed up by recently crowned IWGP Champion Tetsuya Naito.
As far as Steph's outfit goes, I'll just leave this here...
Next Time
As we mentioned at the end, our next episode will rewind things to 10 years ago, as we check out Wrestlemania 22. Clearly there are a lot of comparisons to be made with the main event of that show and this one, but maybe we'll find they have even more in common with each other.
So we'll be with you again very soon. But in the mean time you can keep in touch with us on Twitter and Facebook. We are now also on Stitcher, where you can find all our latest episodes as they are released, just as you can by subscribing to us on Soundcloud.
Hello everyone. This will have a bit of a different format to my usual reviews - coming soon in the very near future myself and my friend Kyle - @kazze23 on Twitter - will be starting our very own wrestling podcast! TNW: Then, Now, Whatever will begin recording in mid-February with a look back at the 2016 Royal Rumble. We've then got lots of ideas for how we'll continue things thematically covering both wrestling past and present (hence Then, Now) and other things (Whatever).
This post is to give you a little bit of a preview of how things will work with the show. All our episodes will be uploaded to our Soundcloud account http://soundcloud.com/tnwpodcast, and will then be followed up by posts here on this blog that will be a kind of "director's cut" of the show with links, explanations and visual references to some of the things that get brought up in the show. This edition is just me messing around with my wonderful Yeti ("Ye-taaaah") from Blue Microphones but future editions will be myself and Kyle coming to you from a fully fledged sound studio.
This show was included as an extra on he Wrestlemania 22 DVD release, and I actually stayed up to watch it live at the time so I thought it would be a laugh to see how it's aged.
* 1;21 here's that run of promos in full, along with that stone age "hide behind a skirt/take it like a man" theme song.
* 4;06 Sorry, it was Dr. Heiney and Nurse Slobberknocker! Here's the segment in full if you can stomach it.
* 7:47 This was my first time reviewing a show with commercial breaks so I thought it's be fun to add some wrestling themed adverts. The three I chose were Kurt Angle's Pizza Outlet commercial, one of Macho Man's Slim Jim ads (naturally) and the Raw 1000 advert.
* 10:27 RKO OUTTA NOWHERE, sorry my delivery was a bit pants there.
* 33:41 Vince McMahon always called inverted atomic drops "reverse piledrives" when he did commentary. Incidentally, whatever you do, don't Google "reverse piledriver".
* General notes: there's a wee bit of influence from some of my other favourite podcasts throughout, particularly my Jerry Lawler impression, which is practically identical to the Attitude Era Podcast's, and "THE RULES" when JBL explains the beer drinking contest came from OSW Review's V1.
Here's an important show for me. By the end of 2004 I was falling out of love with wrestling. Post Backlash, so many pay per views left me either not as satisfied as I used to be or just flat out disappointed. WWE felt stale and unable to meet my expectations. 2005 had a shaky start too - poor reviews put me off buying the Royal Rumble (Divas search rejects being the focus of the WWE title match, Orton and HHH flopping again and Cena and Batista, the big hopes for the future, buggering the finish of the Rumble match). Then Wrestlemania approached: it had an absolutely mouthwatering card and the prospect of Cena and Batista as the new faces of the company became more enticing. So I gave this show a try and never looked back.
WWE Wrestlemania 21 April 3rd 2005 Staples Center, Los Angeles, California Attendance: 20,193
* Lilian Garcia sings 'Murica The Beautiful instead of the usual celeb. It's not as good as when she did it acapella in 2000. It's weird seeing undead Undertaker slapping hands with troops in the clips. They've taken the "Wrestlemania goes Hollywood" motif quite seriously with RED CARPET, a Hollywood sign parody and "Now showing" screen. They even raise the curtain on the Tron.
* Lots of clips of the movie parody ads are shown. I felt sorry for Booker T - this is the only glimpse we get of him. We get the Gladiator parody with Stone Cold in full. The guy in Joaquin Phoenix's role is crap. That's it? No build for the actual card? Huh.
Match 1: WWE Tag Team Champion Eddie Guerrero vs WWE Tag Team Champion Rey Mysterio
The Mexi Powers Explode! Chavo stirred the shit pointing out Eddie hadn't beaten Rey in a while, hence this match. Sadly Rey has no superhero outfit this year, just a Mexico themed one and a dire mask he has to keep adjusting.
Eddie mat wrestles to start. Rey flips out of a fireman's carry but eats a deep armdrag. Mysterio sunset flips out of a Greco-Roman knuckle lock, but Eddie catapults him over the top. Rey dodges a baseball slide and fakes a dive. Back to the knuckle lock. Guerrero is monkey flipped over and both BRIDGE UP. Mysterio flips out of a Northern Lights Suplex and lures Eddie into a huge monkey toss! He lands on his feet from a backdrop over the top but Eddie clocks him and hits a plancha. BIG back suplex by Eddie gets 2 between restholds, including an STF and a lovely surfboard he had to break as his shoulders were down. Rey flips out of a hammerlock to armdrag Eddie outside (it looked heavily edited). Corkscrew plancha by Rey!
Seated senton back inside only for Eddie to try the Three Amigos... reverse victory roll by Rey! Gets 2! Tazz puts over Eddie's "heavy duty offence" as he gets a vicious backbreaker for 2. Three Amigos countered again with an around the world headscissors, but Eddie ducks the 619 to get a gorgeous tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2. AT LAST Eddie hits all Three Amigos. Froggy Splash... missed! Mahistral by Rey... countered! 1, 2, NO. Rey avoids a powerbomb... 619! West Coast Pop... blocked with a powerbomb! 1, 2... NO! Crowd chant for Eddie but out of nowhere Rey counters a tilt-a-whirl with a hurricanrana for 3!
Winner: Rey Mysterio
Verdict: 7.5/10. Neat match with good work on the back by Eddie. It just lacked the killer edge of a true rivalry, despite being pretty competitive.
* JBL and his cabinet are backstage. "Ha ha we stroll on a Sunday night MAGGLE!" They bump into Triple H and Ric Flair. Hunter says JBL calling himself a wrestling God is a joke, but JBL says he hasn't lost yet - worry about Batista, he guarantees Cena's dealt with. HHH: "Keep telling yourself you're good, and sooner or later somebody will believe you." John missed a prime opportunity to nick H's catchphrase there. They agree to wait til the night ends to see who's champ.
Match 2: Money in the Bank Ladder Match - Chris Jericho vs Chris Benoit vs Christian (w/ Tomko) vs Kane vs Edge vs Intercontinental Champion Shelton Benjamin
Ah yes, the debut of a great, long lasting concept. The winner gets a World title match any time they choose within the next year. Benoit has stitches from a match on Raw. In another ace spot based on Kane's entrance, the ladders erected on stage catch fire after his pyro!
Everyone attacks Kane on the ramp. Shelton and Benoit suplex him on the floor. Christian tries to get a ladder in the ring but Y2J whacks it into his face. He dropkicks a brawling Edge and Benoit off the apron and planchas Edge. Double jump plancha by Christian. Tope con heelo by Shelton! Finally Kane hits his flying clothesline to everyone! King: "You're right JR, this does resemble a human demolition derby." Kane clocks E & C with a ladder but Jericho dropkicks it in his face, then takes out Edge and Benjamin with it. Benoit Germans Y2J WHILE HE HOLDS THE LADDER! King: "I don't think I've ever seen a ladder and a wrestler suplexed at the same time."
Kane stops Benoit's climb but is put in the crossface! An interfering Edge does too, but Kane DRILLS Benoit in the face with a ladder and uses it like a guillotine to injure his arm. Spear by Edge to huge heat. LA: "You screwed Matt". E & C sandwich Kane between ladders but Shelton takes them out with a double clothesline. Edge ducks a Dragon Whip and it hits Cap, who's holding a ladder. JR: "Christian has eaten more ladder than the law should allow." Edge tries to spear Shelton into a ladder but gets flapjacked and Stinger Splashed into it. Nearly everyone climbs all at once. Arm breaker off the ladder to Benoit by Christian. Benjamin T-Bone Suplexes Edge off the ladder! Y2J lays out Cap on a ladder hooked into a standing ladder's rungs and climbs. Shelton RUNS UP THE SLANTED LADDER to clothesline Jericho off!!!
Kane tries chokeslamming him outside but his foot gets caught in the ropes. Big boot by Tomko to Kane. He tries to lift Christian up the ladder but Kane shit cans him and knocks the CLB off the ladder onto Tomko outside! Kane and Y2J brawl up the ladder and both fall, Jericho sent over the top, Kane throat first to the ropes. Oh God, Benoit sets up a ladder in the corner... DIVING HEADBUTT OFF THE LADDER TO KANE! It reopened his stitches. He climbs but KANE SITS UP and climbs. Benoit headbutts the fuck out of him to knock him off. Edge hits the injured arm with a chair! Unopposed, he climbs and gets the case to win!!!
Winner: Edge
Verdict: 9/10. Holy fuck what a match. Tremendous spots, glued together with the story of Benoit's injured arm and stitches. Benjamin stole the show here with such incredible athleticism.
* Eugene's here. Being at Wrestlemania is his second favourite Mania moment ever behind the midgets attacking Bundy at WM III. He's interrupted by Davari and Muhammed Hassan. King: "The smart thing for Eugene to do would be to leave". Hassan is angry, not because he doesn't like midgets, but because he's not on the show. He gets the What treatment talking of Hollywood bigotry. Davari speaks non-English and Eugene's all "What are you saying?" Inevitably they beat Eugene up, Hassan with the Camel Clutch to FUCK HIS ASS AND MAKE HIM HUMBLE.
The crowd clearly know what's coming but still mark THE FUCK out for new Hall of Famer HULK HOGAN coming out. JR: "Business is about to pick up." Big boot to Hassan, who gets shitcanned. Hulk talks trash forever while Davari stalks him with a chair. JR: "For the love of God c'mon!" He finally hits Hulk with the chair and it's no sold. FINGER POINT OF DOOM. Another boot and Davari's sent packing. Cue hot dogging and grand standing. JR: "Just like Hulkamania itself, this moment will live forever." ... So long as nothing exposes Hogan as a racist or anything. His wife, daughter and FORMER WCW CHAMPION David Arquette are shown at ringside.
"Yew don't like 'Murica yew cin jist gidddooooouutt!"
* Oh yes, next they hype Orton vs Taker, the first "someone tries to break the streak" feud. Orton wanted to add it to his "Legend Killer" resume. He slapped Taker and RKOed "girlfriend" Stacy Kiebler in the lead up.
Match 3: Interpromotional Match - The Undertaker (r/Smackdown) vs Randy Orton (r/Raw)
Druids with torches accompany Taker again. He "floats" to the ring on a platform hidden by smog. Tazz: "He's movin' to the ring but he's not walking." Cole calls it "Mind... games." Tazz correctly states he isn't Orton as Cole puts over how unheralded Taker's streak is and randomly includes Rob Van Dam in the list of legends Orton's taken out.
Orton sticks and moves to start, slapping Taker again. Nice leapfrog and dropkick. BAACK body drop. Leapfrog again but Randy eats a big soupbone. Cole: "Randy Orton cannot get into a slugfest with the legend." Beautiful roll up counter to a corner avalanche gets Orton 2. He tries the RKO but Taker hoists him over the top and into the announce table. Nasty. Apron legdrop by Taker! VINTAGE UNDERTAKER. Orton takes Old School completely wrong but ducks a boot in the corner and dropkicks Taker off the apron into the barricade. Clothesline back in gets 2 but Taker comes back with near falls from a running DDT and sidewalk slam.
Snake eyes by the Deadman... but Orton bounces back with a reverse elbow for 2. He clubs Taker and poses but Taker sits up. They botch a clothesline spot. Taker covers for 2, mouths "Fuck" and tells Randy the next spot. Dragon sleeper puts Orton out. His hand falls twice but he then gets a beautiful DDT counter. 1, 2, no. Randy with a chinlock, then a sleeper but Taker suplexes out. Orton gets booted when he charges to the corner but catches Taker with a sweet powerslam from a head of steam for 2. Tazz: "Randy Orton's a focused young athlete, a pure bred. He's the real deal Cole."
Randy mounts Taker in the corner to punch and pose. Big mistake... Last Ride... countered, RKO... Orton's knocked into the ref. They botch the Last Ride but out comes Randy's Hall of Fame dad, Ace Cowboy Bob Orton WEARING HIS CAST. Cast shot to Taker! He gets the ref. 1... 2... NO! The crowd were into that. Taker sits up! Ace gets on the apron but when Randy whips Taker over he kicks Bob's head off. Goozle! Chokeslam... amazing MIDAIR RKO counter!!! 1, 2... NO. Orton calls for the Tombstone... but the Phenom flips out. Tombstone city! 1... 2... 3!
Winner: The Undertaker (13-0)
Verdict: 8/10. I'm a massive mark for this match. All the botches hurt it much more than I remembered but the fact is going into this match I had no faith in Orton mustering up anything against Taker and he came out with a really good outing. I also felt this was the start of a rejuvenation for Taker we'd not see consistently until a good couple of years later.
* King: "I may not be a leader of men but I'm certainly a follower of women." Must be Women's Title time!Christy Hemme won the Divas Search and got on the cover of Playboy. Trish took issue with the cover describing her as a champion. To even the odds Christy sought training from Lita.
Match 4: WWE Women's Championship Match - Trish Stratus (C) vs Christy Hemme (w/ Lita)
Christy's skip to the ring sure is something. Trish trolls Lita over her knee injury and has a unique outfit with a shirt collar and braces.
Trish mocks Christy, laying down for her, shoving her, sending her outside and to the steps easily. LA to Lita: "We want Matt." Trish mocks Hemme's skip and goes to finish early with the Chick Kick, but it's blocked. Lita distracts the ref and Christy kicks Trish in the groin! Christy's offence is mostly just pins - a banana split pin and sunset flip from doing the splits on the top buckle both get 2. Trish spears Hemme and pats herself on the back. Lita checks on Christy outside so Trish decks her into the barricade, but gets distracted talking smack back inside and is rolled up for 2. Christy starts kicking Trish's leg and bashing her head into the buckle. Reverse Twist of Fate! 1, 2, no. Reverse victory roll by Trish is rolled through for 2, but the Chick Kick gets 3 for Trish.
Winner: Trish Stratus (still champion)
Verdict: 3.5/10. Surprisingly serviceable thanks to Trish's antics but Christy's offence was really poor. The crowd, who'd turned on Lita already due to the Edge affair, turned on the whole match when they saw how little Christy had to offer.
* Hell yeah, HBK vs Angle us next. Apparently people irritated Kurt in 1996 talking of Shawn's wrestling clinic at Mania XII when he won an Olympic Gold Medal. This is the first time I can recall Shawn calling himself "Mr Wrestlemania".
Match 5: Interpromotional Match - Shawn Michaels (r/Raw) vs Kurt Angle (r/Smackdown)
What is it with Mania crowds not giving Shawn much love in the mid 00s? He didn't get a very big pop. King on Kurt: "First and only Olympic Gold Medallist in WWE history." JR: "... Fans still think he sucks." JR calls this the mat wrestler vs the catch-as-catch-can stylist.
Shawn slaps Kurt and gets taken down and waistlocked everywhere. Oh fuck off with the "You screwed Bret" chants LA, you're not in Canada! One bug bear I have: HBK gets Angle in a headlock FOREVER. It makes no sense, Kurt should school him here. Ever after a suplex Shawn doesn't break. Twice he hangs on from whip attempts. Kurt has to force a break in the corner. After a beautiful go behind he's headlocked AGAIN. This time he elbows out only to be hiptossed and put in a short armed scissors. Angle tries rolling HBK up, but has no luck until he deadlifts him. A sunset flip and backslide both get 2 for HBK then ARGH he gets the headlock AGAIN! And Kurt has to break in the corner AGAIN!
Get comfy Kurt, you'll be there a while
Angle doesn't mess about and gets the anklelock! Shawn rolls out and clotheslines himself and Kurt over the top in a nasty spill. HBK sets up an announce table but Kurt BATTERS him with uppercuts, going to suplex him through the table. Shawn blocks, only to be ANGLE SLAMMED INTO THE POST! Kurt targets the back, getting 2 from a suplex back inside. He facewashes Shawn while hooking a bodyscissors. Duelling "Let's go Michaels/Let's go Angle" chants as Michaels escapes, but he's turned upside down in the corner and suffers a great pair of belly to bellys for 2. HBK slaps Kurt again so he gets clocked with a clothesline for 2. Angle takes him up top. Superplex blocked... but Shawn misses the elbow!
The straps are down! Angle slam... beautiful armdrag counter! HUGE backdrop over the top by Shawn, followed by a crossbody to the outside. He crawls to the apron and Kurt tries to German him off it! HBK gets the ref's attention and mule kick's Kurt's nuts! How heelish. He kicks Angle onto the table... SPRINGBOARD SPLASH ONTO KURT ON THE TABLE!
It didn't break!!! King says it's been re-enforced with steel. The count is on. Both crawl in at 9. Kurt's bleeding at the mouth. Flying forearm by Shawn! Nip up. Inverted atomic drop. Top rope elbow! He tunes up the band... but the superkick is blocked! Anklelock!! Even when Shawn rolls through Angle hangs on. It takes AGES but Michaels gets the rope. Angle slam... no, sunset flip... rolled through to another anklelock! Victory roll counter - 1, 2... no. Clothesline ducked... superkick blocked... Angle slam! 1, 2... NO.
Kurt pulls his straps up just to pull them back down. Rare moonsault attempt... misses! Shawn struggles to go up top. Angle runs the ropes and SUPER ANGLE SLAMS SHAWN!! 1... 2... NO! Holy shit that got a great reaction. Angle hauls HBK up and screams in his face demanding he taps out. Sweet Chin Music! Michaels crawls over. 1... 2... no. HBK struggles up... anklelock out of nowhere!!! JR: "He'll snap it like a twig!" Kurt keeps it on no matter what, rolling through with Shawn, pulling him to the centre. Leg grapevine! It takes FOREVER but EVENTUALLY SHAWN TAPS!
Winner: Kurt Angle
Verdict: 9.5/10. Phenomenal match. My misgivings over the overly long headlock and Shawn lasting so long in the anklelock only stop this being a perfect match, they don't stop it being a classic match. The highest drama singles match I can remember since Austin vs Rock at X7.
* Apparently they had awards for the film parody trailers. The Basic Instinct one won best female and punchline.
Piper's Pit with special guest Stone Cold Steve Austin
Piper was inducted into the Hall of Fame last night, hence this. JR: "They broke the mould when they made that man." He says thank you for the HoF then asks: Who's the greatest rebel in WWE history? Austin? "Bullshit". He calls out Austin. In a cool effect the picture breaks like glass. Big reaction for Steve. Piper welcomes him with a slap so Austin thanks him with one too. Roddy: "I kinda like ya." Apparently he hasn't met Austin til now. The fans give him the What treatment but he plays up to it well talking of Austin and Vince. "Try to keep up with me". Piper has an AWESOME line: "I was here when Wrestlemania didn't have a number. I was pissin' Vince McMahon off when the red on the back of your neck was diaper rash, buddy."
Austin runs down Roddy's outfit: "Your little red dress [WHAT?], little furry gimmicks [WHAT?], little messed up boots [WHAT?], your little goatee [WHAT?] looks like a cat run off." Oh boy, Carlito interrupts, because arguing and slapping each other like little girls isn't cool. Piper: "You look like alfalfa". Carlito tells them to leave. Roddy snatches his apple out of mid-air, bites loads off and spits it on him. Carlito starts beating him up. Austin's amused initially, before deciding to stomp a mudhole and walk it dry. THUMB TO THE EYE BY PIPER! STUNNER! Piper and Austin toast. JR: "Austin likes a cold beer every now and then." STUNNER TO PIPER! Oh man there's a perfect shot of Austin toasting the crowd where beer sloshes on the camera.
* The Taxi Driver parody was voted the best. Big Show, Batista and Snitsky had the funniest bits but dear God did we need that glimpse of Michael Cole's chest?!
Match 6: Sumo Match - Akebono vs Big Show
I'm guessing the announcement of this match got a bad reaction because they cut to Tony Chimel explaining the rules suddenly. Push your opponent out of the circle or knock him off his feet to win. They show some happy Japanese people in the crowd when Akebono comes out. He's Hawaiian, the first foreign born Grand Champion in Sumo history. It still feels weird Show went from a WWE Title match last month to this.
Cole is pretty good explaining the opening traditions. I'm sure everyone was DYING to see Show in his Sumo gear. Eventually the ref gets them to start, both men with a big flurry using traditional two handed techniques. They reach the circle's edge but Show stands his ground well. He charges at Akebono but winds up more stunned than him. So Show does his ARGH chokeslam taunt to Hulk up and goes back to it, at one point lifting Akebono CLEAN OFF his feet, but Akebono quickly shuts him down, pushing him straight down and all the way out of the ring to win.
Winner: Akebono
Verdict: N/A. Well that definitely happened. I can't think of them ever doing an attraction seemingly just to appeal to overseas viewers before this. Moving on...
* JBL vs Cena is hyped next. JBL essentially made it a class war and screwed Cena out of his US Title, destroying the custom spinner version. Cena FUed Teddy Long in frustration so they did the whole "no touching" deal.
Match 7: WWE Championship Match - John Bradshaw Layfield (C) vs Jonn Cena
Bradshaw's entrance was peak JBL here: his limo had a police escort and $100 bills with his face on fall from the roof. They find an Asian lass in the crowd who picks one up and goes "JBLLL!" when she sees what it is. Cole lists the opponents and gimmick matches JBL has survived. I think this is the debut of Cena's "My Time Is Now" theme. That and everyone grabbing the JBL money means he gets a pretty subdued reaction which is weird to hear.
Headlock by JBL to start. Leapfrog(!) and shoulderblock by Cena, who runs into a boot and is stiffed with rights and clubs. A pair of neckbreakers by JBL gets 2. He catapults Cena's throat into the ropes. Cena brawls back but suffers a spinebuster and straitjacket neckbreaker for near falls. Again Cena's cut off by a thumb to the eye and hard clotheslines, and has to get his foot on the ropes from the cover. He's caught in a sleeper but eventually suplexes out. Stereo clotheslines put both men down.
Cena brawls but gets pulled outside and neckbreakered on the floor. Superplex by JBL gets a near fall. The comeback's finally on when JBL goes up top and Cena counters with a powerslam. Clotheslines, backdrop, shoulderblocks and calling JBL a sunovabitch follows. Dodgy jumping hip toss followed by the protobomb actually gets some boos. U can't C me! Five knuckle shuffle. He calls for the FU but runs into a boot. Clothesline from Hell... ducked... FU! 1, 2, 3!
* Recap of the Hall of Fame ceremony. Jimmy Hart saying "The Megaphone!" was neat, but pales in comparison to The Iron Sheik recounting NOBODY BEAT BOB BACKLUND... MADISON SQUARE GARDEN... AAAH PUT HIM IN DAA CAMEL CLUTCH! Tazz calls him the original Human Suplex Machine. The inductees are paraded for the live crowd and all get their own entrance themes for once. Orton still sells interfering in his son's match. Ace.
* It's World Title time! The slow build to Batista leaving Evolution was tremendous. He won the Rumble and Flair and Trips tried manipulating him into challenging JBL but he was having NONE of it in a brilliant contract signing segment that spawned the famous "Thumbs up? Thumbs down!". Dave even broke the sledgehammer over his knee. This whole build did a brilliant job of getting Batista over as a babyface that doesn't stand any nonsense.
Main Event: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Triple H (C) (w/ Ric Flair) vs Batista
Oh boy, Motörhead play Triple H to the ring. Lemmy gives no fucks about the lyrics. WHOPPER mutton chops on Hunter's face. Batista's machine gun war dance isn't as good without pyro but he still got a great reaction. King: "Triple H obviously taught Batista everything he knows. But he didn't teach Batista everything Triple H knows."
Big stare down to start draws Batista chants. Dave looks smug and Trips looks unnerved. First lock up is a stalemate, but Batista powers out of the next and knocks H down hard escaping a headlock. It takes an extra run up but Hunter knocks Dave down. Pedigree... Dave shoves him off into a Gorilla Press Slam. Dave: "C'mon!" BAACK body drop. H comes back with a high knee to send Batista out. Flair distracts him so Trips sneaks behind to send him to the steps. Batista struggle back in the ring and H levels him with a second rope elbow. He chokes Dave then distracts the ref so Naitch can too.
H works the back. Suplex coming up... woah, and a beauty! He follows with a backbreaker and draws the ref away again for more Flair choking. Batista fights back but gets hit with a MASSIVE spinebuster for 2 (three times). Neckbreaker by HHH who asks Dave "Ya OK champ?" Batista backdrops out of the Pedigree but falls to a facebreaker for 2. For some reason Trips goes up top, and just leaps into a clothesline. Sidewalk slam gets 2 by Dave. He runs into a boot charging to the corner, but hangs on from the whip to send Hunter over the top. H fights back and sends him to the steps. Pedigree on the steps... countered to a catapult into the post! Hunter blades!
Dave goes for the kill, whacking Trips into the steps. The crowd count along as he clubs the wound, then kicks his face off and gets hard corner clotheslines. Front powerslam! 1, 2, no. Naitch tries a cheapshot and pays for it. H was going to hit Batista with a chair outside but in a dramatic/hilarious spot the ref LEAPS FROM THE APRON to disarm him and sells like death! Flair tries a belt shot back in ring and gets spinebustered! As the ref gets him out, Trips hits Dave with the belt! BOO! 1, 2... NO. The ref's out from the kick out. Spinebuster by Batista! Batista Bomb... low blow by H! Pedigree... Dave powers out of Hunter's grip and hits him with White Noise! Shake the ropes! Thumbs up? Thumbs down! Batista Bomb! 1... 2... 3!!! JR: "The BEAST has been unleashed."
Winner: Batista (new champion, first reign)
Verdict: 7/10. Much better than I remember. The pace was a bit deliberate and Dave could have shown a bit more urgency capitalising on Trips being busted open, but it wasn't a chore to watch and proved to be a simple story told well that got Batista over wonders.
Final Thoughts: My intro probably gave it away but I bloody love this show. It really did restore my faith in wrestling. Two sheer classics in the debut Money in the Bank and the HBK-Angle dream match, two thoroughly rewarding outings from Eddie and Rey and Orton and Taker, some good fun with Austin in Piper's Pit and two fresher characters getting established as the men to lead the company into the future - Batista overcoming Triple H's months of manipulation in a solid outing and Cena finally ending JBL's unpopular run (which was much more satisfying than the actual match which was poorly booked). TL,DR: A brilliant undercard supporting two younger guys arriving as players, one of my favourite Wrestlemanias. Please watch.
March 14th 2004, Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,000
* The Harlem Boys Choir sing "America The Beautiful" and look great in their uniforms and practically filling the ring. They play clips of the superstars with the troops and finish on the virtual New York skyline that forms the basis of the entrance way.
* The intro starts with Vince looking smug in a dark empty room, then clips of Mania through the years and the superstars talk up the Garden and what tonight will mean. Rock's voice breaks when he says his family will be there. Big Show: "You haven't lived, you haven't BREATHED until you've danced at Wrestlemania." It ends on the evening's catchphrase "where it all begins... again" and Vince with Shane and his baby grandson. Excellent!
* I loved the way the Garden looked here, with the big spotlights giving the place a great atmosphere and making it look much bigger than it is.
Match 1: WWE United States Championship Match - Big Show(C) vs John Cena
Cole calls Cena "Smackdown's fastest rising star". John asks everyone to make some noise which gets a Cena chant. See, smarks liked Cena once upon a time. He raps insults about Show, calling him a "King Kong rip off" and "the hippo float from the Macy's parade". "Everybody knows he can't see me. I'm itchin' to beat him, like a penis with an STD." The US title looks so small on Show.
Show overpowers and weathers Cena's brawling early, but Cena hot shots him on the top as Cole talks up Show's MSG record. Crossbody up top... caught by Show, easily slamming Cena for 2. MSG: "Let's go Cena!" Cena gets clotheslined, slammed, choked with the bottom rope, then hit with a massive suplex for 2. Tazz mentions both men's "pound and ground"(?). Cole: "Big Show is just toying with John Cena here." Cena tries a flurry but Show superkicks him (always cool - so too are Cena's Nintendo themed sweatbands). Final cut legdrop gets 2.
Cena counters a slam with a sleeper but gets squished in the corner. Cobra Clutch by Show ("Oh my God he did a move!") to a smattering of boring chants. Cena finally fights out and avoids being avalanched in the corner twice. The second time Show's head hit the buckle, allowing Cena to hit the FU!!! 1... 2... NO! Cole claims Show's the first person to kick out. Cena threatens to whack Show with his chain, but instead throws it across the ring. While the ref picks it up, he grabs one of his "Word Life" knucks and hits Show with it! FU again! 1... 2... 3!
Winner: John Cena (NEW Champion, first reign)
Verdict: 3.5/10. This would become the Cena formula for years. Show had a couple of nice moves but this was really a very rudimentary way to get Cena over.
* Coach and his tux greet Dr Tom Pritchard, Johnny The Bull and Teddy Long backstage. He meets Bischoff (with Johnny Nitro), who's heard of strange occurrences because The Undertaker is here, and wants Coach to find him. He's not comfortable but concedes Eric's the boss.
* Evolution are in the stair well as Randy recounts the feud with Rock N Sock Connection: kicking Foley down that same stair well, Foley walking away from an IC title match and being spat on, The Rock coming in (Flair's face is a peach when this gets mentioned). Orton says Mick's time has passed... it's just Evolution. Nothing can stop them making history and after it began in June in MSG tonight it all begins... again.
Match 2: Fatal Four Way World Tag Team Championship Match - Rob Van Dam & Booker T(C) vs La Resistance (Renee Dupree & Rob Conway) vs The Dudley Boyz vs Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak
Sign in the crowd: "Farooq is my daddy". Jesus, Book and RVD have a SHITE remix of "One of a Kind" and Book's WWE Originals song. Rules - two men in at once, you can tag anyone, first pin or submission wins. King OPENLY talks about RVD and Book being a thrown together team.
Van Dam does his shoulder routine and monkey flip on Dupree, then catapults him into Booker's superkick for 2. Book runs wild on La Resistance so they tag Bubba. A tie up goes nowhere so Bubba brawls and gets a neckbreaker for 2. MSG: "We want tables!" Bubba tries a flip flop n fly but Book heel kicks him. Cade and Jindrak distract the ref, so D-Von sneaks in with a reverse hangman DDT. Jindrak tags Bubba and covers Book for 2. Tag to Cade, who punts Booker only for Dupree to tag in for the near fall.
Conway in with a surfboard RESTHOLD. Conway: "USA my ass!" At the second time of asking Book fights out with a spinebuster as the crowd chant RVD. Dupree and RVD tag in. Windmill kicks for all! THERE'S A CAMPO SIGN IN THE CROWD!!! Van Dam goes for the Five Star but D-Von shoves him into the barricade. A big schmoz ends with the Dudleys trying to 3D Book only for Cade to break it up. Conway DDTs D-Von then eats a scissors kick from Booker. Five Star Frog Splash from Van Dam! 1, 2, 3!
Winners: Rob Van Dam & Booker T (still champion)
Verdict: 4/10. Nothing special here, very unremarkable and only Book and RVD were even vaguely showcased here.
* A crew member shows Coach where the "freakish noises" are coming from. He goes there... to find Mean Gene Okerlund with his shirt hanging out! Bobby The Brain Heenan is then out with his shoes off, shirt undone and lipstick all over him. He says they were just playing poker. Coach isn't convinced... then Mae Young and The Fabulous Moolah pop out! The guys try acting surprised but the ladies get right back to it. Mae: "Let me show you my puppies." They get pulled back in against their will. Brain: "I don't wanna go back in, I haven't been well." His arm gets stuck in the door trying to close it. King: "I think I see denture burns on Bobby The Brain Heenan."
* The video package for Christian vs Y2J covers their bet over Lita and Trish, Jericho falling for Trish and Christian flipping out and putting the Walls of Jericho on Trish!
Match 5: Christian vs Chris Jericho
King: "I tried to tell [Jericho] from the get go, women and wrestling don't mix." JR: "...Well there could be something to be said for that, but that's another story for another day." Tim White is the ref, his first match since Jericho injured his shoulder in Hell in the Cell and his last before that dreadful suicide gimmick.
Christian shoves Y2J after a clean break, so Jericho socks him, keeping control with a reverse elbow and back suplex and countering a leapfrog with a clothesline. Christian tries shitcanning Jericho, but he hangs on, lures the CLB back and backdrops him to the outside! Double jump crossbody to the outside by Jericho to Y2J chants. Back in, Y2J counters a sunset flip with the Summerslam 92 finish for 2, then immediately goes for the Walls only for Christian to get the ropes. Thumb to the eye and back suplex over the top by Christian! Sign in the crowd: "Paul London = Ratings".
Christian beats his chest proudly, scoring a near fall with a knee to the gut. Another Walls attempt is countered with a thumb to the eye and a spin wheel kick for 2. Both men knock noggins and are down for a six count. Flying forearm by Jericho. "Come on CLB!" Drop toehold to the ropes, a rough rider and enzughiri gets 2. Both trade near falls with victory roll exchanges (Christian using the ropes), then a Jericho Northern Lights Suplex that Christian bridges out of. Bulldog by Y2J. Lionsault... Cap gets his knees up! Unprettier... countered but he hits a wicked tornado reverse DDT instead! 1, 2... no.
Sleeping neckbreaker by Jericho. Christian answers with an inverted backbreaker. He heads up top... superplex attempt... Christian slams Jericho off. Crossbody... Jericho rolls through! 1, 2... NO! Y2J hurt his knee coming off the top, so Christian locks in a Texas Cloverleaf to Y2J chants. He escapes and goes for the Walls again! Christian reaches the ropes and crawls out, but Jericho hangs on and locks in the Walls outside!! He breaks the count and takes Christian up top. White: "Bring him in dammit!" Jericho obliges with a butterfly superplex! He eventually covers for a near fall.
Trish is here! King: "I bet she came out here to make jogging a spectator sport." MASSIVE Impaler DDT by Christian! He covers twice but comes up short both times. Trish is on the apron, and the CLB drags her in. Jericho shitcans him and checks on Trish... who elbows him thinking it's Christian! Who sneaks in quick as a whippet to schoolboy Jericho for 3!!!
Winner: Christian
Trish looks shocked, Jericho disappointed. She checks on him. Christian's back but Trish is pulling Y2J back from him... so she can slap Jericho twice! Unprettier!!! Ah, that infamous heel turn that made Trish instantly look twice as hot. King: "C'mon JR, you know everything, what just happened?" Trish and Christian then make out on the ramp! King: "The two tongue tango!"
Verdict: 8/10. Finally a quality encounter. This feud didn't feel like a Wrestlmania feud, more like something that could happen at any time of the year, but they put in a Mania worthy performance and busted out some different spots to make it feel important (Christian's shoutout to Edge with the impaler being the most welcome). Ace.
* Lilian's with Mick Foley backstage. He hopes his hatred for Evolution doesn't get in the way of his and Rock's plans. Woah woah woah MICK FOLEY!!! FINALLY, THE ROCK (and his goatee) HAS COME BACK TO NEW YORK CITY! Rock admonishes Lilian for looking at the People's package. "The buffet is closed!" This is Mick Foley's night and he's going to point out everyone around who knows it. Hurricane and Rosey. DON MURACO AND JIMMY SNUKA (who both promptly "SHAKA BRAH!" when on camera), and the people know it! He gets a camera to sneak through the fire doors to look at the crowd, then promises to slap the lips off Evolution's faces. IF YA SMELLLLLLALAHA WHAT THE ROCK (AND SOCK) IS COOKIN'!!!
Match 4: Handicap Match - Evolution (Ric Flair, Batista and Intercontinental Champion Randy Orton) vs Rock N Sock Connection (The Rock and Mick Foley)
Lots of WOOOs when Flair's name was announced. There's a tiny sign behind Orton as he poses: "The future Mrs Orton". It's Foley's son Huwey's first birthday!
Rock n Sock bum rush the ring and clean house. Rock and Flair start, Rock strutting after shoulderblocking Naitch down. Flair WOOs in retaliation as the fans chant Rocky. Baaack body drop. Flair retreats outside and thumbs Rock in the eye when he gives chase. Backdrop on the outside! Foley come off he apron with the elbow! BANG BANG! Great spot, drawing Foley chants. Flair tags Orton so Rock tags Foley. Orton lures him out only to get battered, and put in the tree of woe back inside. Foley elbows him and tags Rock, who punches him in the nuts when the ref wasn't looking (just). Ouch. Naitch cheapshots Rock and pays for it, but when Orton whips Rock Batista low bridges the rope to send him out and hot shots him on the barricade.
Flair tags in and chops the fuck out of Rock. "How 'bout that huh?" He struts away only to get clotheslined down (to some boos) and goes up top but naturally gets pressed off. Batista tags in only to get clotheslined! Tag to Foley. Million dollar knee lift. He tries a double arm DDT but gets powered into the corner. He flurries out of it - BANG BANG! - but gets clotheslined down trying the knee. Dave sends Mick outside, but when Orton sneak attacks he gets choked. Naitch makes the save then Orton sends Mick into the steps! Tag to Flair. Foley tries to flurry back but Flair hooks a toehold and tags Randy, who fishhooks Mick. JR: "[Foley] was here the night Jimmy Snuka leaped off the cage onto Hall of Famer Don Muraco." King: "And he was wearing the exact same shirt that night."
Batista in with short arm clotheslines and mounted punches, but Foley hooks the Mandible Claw! His team mates save him, but when he lowers his head on a whip Mick gets a neckbreaker. Tags to Flair and Rock! Clothesline to Naitch. DDT to Orton. He brings Dave in the hard way, shitcans Orton but eats a Spinebuster! Flair is begging to do the People's Elbow, but Rock nips up while he strutted and spit punches Naitch after some strutting of his own. DDT to Batista. Spine on the pine to Flair! The most ridiculous move in sports entertainment... People's Elbow! 1, 2... Flair kicked out! Thumb to the eye. Tag to Orton... who runs into a Rock Bottom! Flair pulls Rock off the cover, then gets the ref's attention while Dave hits a massive clothesline and Batista Bomb on Rock! 1, 2... NO! Rock crawls toward Mick. King: "It's hard to miss Mick Foley." He gets the tag! Foley cleans house. Double arm DDT to Randy. Here's Socko!!! He's stalking Orton for thRKO OUTTA NOWHERE!!! 1, 2, 3!
Winners: Evolution
Verdict: 8/10. The show's starting to hit its stride in ring. I loved the interactions between Rock and Flair, but there was great work all round. It's surreal seeing Orton and Batista get a piece of someone like Rock so early in their careers.
* Highlights of the Hall of Fame ceremony the night before are shown. It's weird seeing it at just some hotel after years of it being in theatres and arenas. Seeing Heenan get emotional missing Gorilla Monsoon was touching. Okerlund then comes out to parade the inductees to the crowd. Wow, the cut of Muraco - luminous sneakers, a flower shirt and baseball cap! Pete Rose is in a powder blue suit that's too big for him, and is the only one to get booed. Greg Valentine looks suspiciously like Dusty Rhodes. Sergeant Slaughter has camo under his suit jacket haha. Jesse Ventura looks genuinely chuffed to be there.
Match 5: Playboy Evening Gown Match - Sable & Torrie Wislon (r/ Smackdown) vs Miss Jackie & Stacy Kiebler (r/ Raw)
God I forgot Miss Jackie was ever a thing. Her theme is crap too. Apparently Tazz won a coin toss to get him and Cole to call this match and King is pouting about it haha. Tazz: "Don't worry I'll get his line in - PUPPIES!" Sable says her and Torrie would like to start the match out of their gowns, because fuck the stipulation. Jack Doan unzips her. Oh, Stacy's taking hers off too, she's in pink and black undies. Cole to Tazz: "I always thought pink and black should have been your colours." Jackie is the only one not to, so Sable mares her into the ring and strips her with Torrie.
Crossbody from the top by Torrie gets 2. Stacy tags in, taking her time getting in to the crowd's delight. Her spots are all leg based naturally - cartwheeling out of an Irish whip, headscissors, a standing foot choke and roundhouse kick. They trade titilating sunset flip counters before Jackie tags in. Tazz: "I want the hot blonde to win!" They roll over the ref while cat fighting before finally Torrie reverses a reverse victory roll for 3 and full moon's Jackie.
Winners: Sable & Torrie Wilson
Verdict: 2/10. It was a different time back then. Move along, nothing to see.
* Eddie Guerrero walks backstage, his WWE Championship looks great on him. He shakes hands with Paul London, Spike Dudley, Orlando Jordan and Billy Gunn on the way to Chris Benoit's locker room. He's pacing intently, Eddie warning he might wear a trench in the floor. Eddie tries a ploy to fire up Benoit saying win or lose he'll be there and Benoit's all "woah, easy on the lose there". It seems to work.
Match 6: Cruiserweight Championship Open
This is like a singles version of Tag Team Turmoil: two men start and elimination is by pin, submission, DQ or count out, except all the participants are at ringside from the start. The champion, Chavo Guerrero, will enter last. I love how Nunzio was announced as weighting "201 and one quarter pounds". Rey Mysterio is in an amazing Flash outfit.
ULTIMO DRAGON and SHANNON MOORE start. Nice Owen Hart armwringer escape by Dragon. They trade pin attempts before Dragon dodges a corkscrew moonsault and hits the Asai DDT for 3. JAMIE NOBLE Pearl Harbours Dragon with a short-arm clothesline for 2. Dragon flips out of a backdrop and hits a flurry of kicks. He lands on his feet when Noble ducks a moonsault and goes for the Asai DDT again but Noble hits a nice neckbreaker counter and ironically gets the tap out with the Dragon Sleeper. FUNAKI immediately tries a crossbody from the top but Noble rolls through for 3!
NUNZIO tries buddying up to his kayfabe cousin but doesn't get far. They trade escapes and Nunzio gets near falls from a victory roll and big second rope dropkick. Noble sends him out and hits a heelo to the outside. They both keep jerking each other off... the apron trying to beat the count, until Noble plants Nunz face first on the floor to survive. BILLY KIDMAN tries to backdrop him back out, and when Noble lands on his feet Nunzio jerks him off. Baseball slide by Kidman, who balances on the top, and holy shit SHOOTING STAR PRESSES BOTH MEN TO THE OUTSIDE! Back in, Kidman tries a powerbomb but gets put in the Dragon Sleeper. He backdrops out and hits an enzughiri, goes up for the Shooting Star, and when Noble goes to cut him off he gets the SUPER BK BOMB for 3!
REY MYSTERIO comes in with a seated senton only to eat a MASSIVE dropkick. Rey dropkicks Billy out, but with the ref distracted Akio hangs his throat on the top rope. BK Bomb. 1, 2... no. Kidman puts Rey up top, but he fights back with a sunset flip driver off the top for 3! TAJIRI is next, ducking a moonsault to lock in the TARANTOOLA. Hand spring elbow... countered with a dropkick! 619! West Coast Pop gets dodged and Akio holds Rey on the apron, but he ducks the mist and it blinds Akio! Victory roll... gets the 3! And AKIO can't compete because of the mist, so CHAVO has to enter now.
While he argues with the ref Tajiri cheapshots Rey, and Chavo covers for 2. Rey comes back with the West Coast Pop but doesn't cover, instead dropkicking Chavo Sr. off the apron. The ref stops him diving out though, so while the ref conveniently gets between the top and middle rope to admonish Sr, Rey leaps over him with a heelo! He tries to sunset flip Chavo from the apron but Chavo sits down and Sr holds his hands for extra leverage for the 3!
Winner: Chavo Guerrero (still champion)
Verdict: 6/10. Whew, that was done at a breakneck pace. It was hard to have a proper story with so many quick eliminations but there were some great spots. Noble, Kidman and Rey got some time but still deserved more.
* JR talks up the next interpromotional match but King can't get over the first one: "That was a slobber knocker wasn't it? I provided the slobber and they provided the..." JR: "I got it." The video for Lesnar vs Goldberg covers their Rumble confrontation and Bill costing Brock the title at No Way Out. Mr. McMahon wasn't convinced anyone could maintain order in a match between them, but after Sheriff Stone Cold needles him about it he eventually booked it with Austin as the ref.
Match 7: Brock Lesnar (r/ Smackdown) vs Goldberg (r/ Raw) Special Guest Referee - Stone Cold Steve Austin
Austin drives his ATV he's had since starting his Sheriff gimmick. Lesnar kidnapped it for a while but Austin retrieved it on Smackdown. Lesnar has a terrible goatee. MSG actually partake in some Goldberg's chants initially. It's funny hearing JR give this match the hard sell knowing what's coming... I think we all know the story. Both Lesnar and Goldberg were leaving after this and the crowd couldn't give a flying fuck about either of them, chanting "You sold out" and "Hey Hey Hey Goodbye" at Brock, who's leaving for the NFL.
Fans chant for Austin as they take an eternity to lock up. This is the only match you'll see where the ref is the most over person in the match. When they FINALLY lock up... it's a stalemate. And again. The crowd sounded somewhat interested in getting behind Goldberg until they saw the state of the match, chanting "This match sucks" as we get basic shoulderblock exchanges. The final one knocks both down. JR: "This crowd getting impatient." Finally a real move, as Goldberg hits a gorilla press into a spear! He goes for the spear proper, only to eat turnbuckle. MSG: "Goldberg sucks."
At the third time of asking Brock hits a suplex for 2, then another and an immediate RESTHOLD. Bill hiplocks out, twice, and both men get knocked down again to what sounds like a Hogan cosplayer getting ejected to Hogan chants. JR: "A very pedestrian, mat-oriented contest." That's an outright burial as far as JR goes! Goldberg fights back with clotheslines and a swinging suplex neckbreaker. Spear! 1, 2... no. Bill gets in Austin's face about it. F-5! 1, 2... no. Now it's Brock who's pissed at Austin. LESNAR tries a spear, but hits the post. Another Goldberg spear. Jackhammer! That gets the 3.
Winner: Goldberg
The camera pans over the fans looking displeased. Lesnar flips them off for starting another "Goodbye" chant, then flips Austin off, so he quite rightly eats a Stunner. Austin asks for beer as Goldberg comes back for some. Steve toasts one corner (YAY) and Bill another (BOO). STUNNER TO GOLDBERG!!! If only that had been 5 years ago...
Verdict: 2/10. The absolute drizzling shits. Jesus it took them 15 minutes to work through 4 minutes of wrestling, all because they were heading out of the door and couldn't be arsed. A pathetic disappointing non-event.
* Randomly we get some pyro outside MSG, we're about two and a half hours in... is this half time? Is this a five hour show?!
* Vince comes out, saying without the fans Mania may never have begun in the first place, so he thanks them for putting up with that stinker making WWE and Mania what it is today.
Match 8: Fatal Four Way WWE Tag Team Championship Match - Rikishi & Scotty 2 Hotty(C) vs the World's Greatest Tag Team (Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas) vs APA ( Farooq & Bradshaw) vs The Bashams (Doug & Danny)
Benjamin slaps Bradshaw to start (what a hero) before getting stiffed. Doug tags in when he tries the Clothesline From Hell though, so Shelton's roll up doesn't matter. Atomic drop and tag to Danny, who hits a spinning back suplex for 2. Shelton tags Charlie and slams Danny over his knee for 2. Jawbreaker by Danny and Scotty tags in, eventually hitting a nip up suplex and moonwalking. Scotty starts skinning the cat when he's thrown over the top but gets caught in WGTT's leapfrog double team for a near fall. Scotty escapes a bearhug with a reverse victory roll but Doug tagged in and kicked him off. Double slingshot suplex by the Bashams who isolate Scotty.
Enzughiri by Scotty, and Kish gets the tepid tag! He beats everyone up, double clotheslining WGTT and DDTs a Basham (while continually slapping him which was weird) for 2. Shelton waistlocks Kish like an idiot and deservedly gets bum tackled out of the ring. Butt bump and stinkface to Haas! Bradshaw in with a boot to Kish, and then he fallaway slams Doug over the top onto WGTT! CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL to Danny. He tries the same on Kish but eats a Samoan Drop, then Kish standing Banzai Drop's Danny for 3.
Scotty worms and the champs dance to FARTY PYRO and minimal reaction to celebrate.
Verdict: 4/10. Looked like it was going to be a step down from Raw's tag title match until that great closing stretch. There was still very little crowd interest though.
* Jesse Ventura comes back out to interview somebody and YAY it's Mr. Personality, Mr. "I eat my pizza with a fuckin' fork" Donald Trump. Jesse compliments his hair. Trump says Vince is a nice guy and he'd back Ventura if he went back into politics, leading Jesse to conclude "We need a wrestler in the White House in 2008." That obviously didn't happen.
* The barber's chair is ready for the Women's title match. If Molly Holly loses she'll get her hair shaved. As Howard Finkel announces this stip JR quips "Howard's already lost his match, obviously."
Match 9: WWE Women's Championship Match - Victoria(C) vs Molly Holly
Victoria nips up out of an arm wringer and rolls Molly up for 2. Molly takes a time out to lure Victoria outside for a clothesline, then gets a near fall with a snap suplex, snapmare and front dropkick combo. King somehow starts talking about Granny panties and JR rightly shits on him for it. King: "Makes me think JR, do you like Granny panties?" Victoria comes back with a jackknife cover, kicks and a powerslam all getting 2. Molly hot shots her onto the bottom rope and goes for the Molly-go-round but gets cut off, so she fights back with a sunset flip powerbomb from the top for 2. She tries Victoria's own finisher, the Widow's Peak, but Victoria backslides out for the sudden 3!!!
Winner: Victoria (still champion)
Molly realised what's happened and tries to high tail it, but it's a ploy to get Victoria in the barber's chair! The clippers cut out when she tries using them though, and in the commotion Victoria sprays hairspray at her and gets her in the chair. It's got chest and wrist straps! What kind of barber's chair is this!? She starts the shaving as the fans chant baldy. Victoria: "You have such beautiful hair Molly."
Verdict: 4/10. Competently wrestled but not many people cared.
* Eddie vs Kurt is profiled next, including Kurt randomly attacking Eddie and taking issue with a former drug addict being champ (rich coming from a former pain killer addict). Eddie wound up in a match with his hands tied behind his back against Smackdown GM Paul Heyman and Kurt took advantage by beating him up with a taped fist.
* They cut to the still ongoing haircut and it's really drastic. Tazz: "She looks European now".
Match 10: WWE Championship Match - Eddie Guerrero(C) vs Kurt Angle
Cole says Eddie would be only the fifth man in history to successfully defend the title at Mania if he wins. It didn't sound like he got that big a pop but at the bell we get a barrage of EDDIE chants.
Nice chain wrestling to start gets some respectful applause. More standing switches then Eddie escapes a headlock with a headscissors to another standoff. MSG: "Let's go Angle/Angle sucks". Kurt gets the first knockdown after more chain wrestling, and Eddie replies with more fluent wrestling and a shoulderblock causing Kurt to take a breather. He comes back and switches out of Eddie's fireman's carry with a front facelock to a smattering of USA chants. He shoots the half a couple of times for near falls before Eddie backdrops out and armdrags him. This is beautiful so far.
Kurt escapes the Three Amigos trying the triple Germans, then tries backdropping Eddie outside, and when he hangs on Kurt slides out and tries to GERMAN EDDIE OFF THE APRON! YOU CRAZY!? Cole: "Eddie Guerrero hanging on for dear life." He elbows out, goading Kurt back in only to dropkick him off the apron. An impatient Eddie heads up top... his splash eats the barricade! Kurt zones in on the midsection with a front backbreaker and bodyscissors. Eddie jawbreakers out but gets hotshotted on the top rope from a head of steam for 2.
Kurt controls with belly to belly suplexes for near falls. Cole: "Kurt Angle is wrestling a picture perfect game plan tonight." He takes Eddie up top but gets headbutted off. Rope run suplex attempt... Eddie shoves him off again. Froggy splash... MISSES! Excellent exchange. Kurt starts hitting Eddie with straight right hands ala the Smackdown attack, but Eddie just asks for more and fights back with a back suplex for 2. Three Amigos... Angle floats out and starts the Germans. Eddie counters with a victory roll for 2 but gets clotheslined. Angle Slam... Eddie armdrags out. Three Amigos! Uno! Dos! But Tres is countered with the anklelock! Eddie kicks him off, then Angle runs into a dropkick.
Another froggy splash attempt... Kurt runs the ropes to suplex Eddie off! 1, 2... no! MSG chant for Eddie but THE STRAPS ARE DOWN! Anklelock! Eddie rolls through - 1, 2... NO! German by Angle who tries the Angle Slam again... but Eddie PLANTS him with a DDT. He goes up top. FROGGY SPLASH! 1, 2... NO!!! MSG and Eddie are in disbelief. Kurt's deadweight... but suddenly hooks the anklelock! Eddie's in agony, but rolls through again to send Kurt out to big Eddie chants. He undoes his boot a bit to relieve the pressure. Kurt spots it and Eddie has that "oh shit" look on his face. Kurt reapplies the hold, but Eddie kicks at his boot... it goes flying off his foot while in Kurt's hands!!! Small package with his feet on the ropes! 1, 2... 3!!!
Winner: Eddie Guerrero (still champion)
Verdict: 9/10. Thank Christ, the show was calling out for a match like this. This was just something to behold, beautiful wrestling, a great story, back and forth. Stellar work all round.
* A video covering how "the dead will rise again" is next. Kane buried his brother The Undertaker alive out of disgust for how human he became. So naturally he's been haunted by supernatural vignettes, starting with Taker's gong going off at the Rumble. Kane's attempt at Taker's eye roll is shit. He recovered the coffin Taker was buried in but only found the urn... and then the ring rose up with him still stood in it!
Match 11: Kane (r/ Raw) vs The Undertaker (r/ Smackdown)
In a cool spot, the virtual NYC skyline catches fire after Kane's pyro. That's only the start of the awesome though... Kane keeps mouthing "I buried you alive" as the lights go out and we hear the infamous "Ohhh yeeeeeah!!!" as PAUL BEARER comes out holding the urn, flanked by Druids with flaming torches who make a guard of honour. Bearer: "You're no son of mine!" The GONG chimes to a massive pop, and then an even louder one greets ZOMBIE COWBOY TAKER stepping through the curtain. Kane shits himself. Bearer beckons him onwards as MSG chant for Taker and he brings back the lights. Kane is freaking out. "I BURIED YOU ALIVE!" The atmosphere is so incredible that the fans pop for Taker just taking his hat off, thus they'd make it a proper spot for the rest of his career. MASSIVE Undertaker chants echo throughout.
Kane: "You're NOT REEAL!!!" He reaches for Taker... and eats soupbones! Taker scares the ref out of the ring when he tries to keep order. JR: "Referee running for his life, and who can blame him?" Kane U-turns away from a chokeslam attempt to lure the Deadman outside but gets driven HARD into the apron. Apron legdrop! JR: "That is classic Undertaker offense." Two tables away Michael Cole must be despairing! Back in, Taker hits some massive avalanches. Bearer: "How d'you like that boy? How'd you like the pain?"
Kane counters the Last Ride and mounts Taker after a big boot. "I told you not to come back you sunovabitch." Hey, he's slagging his own Ma there! Taker switches out and beats him up, again scaring the ref only to fall victim to a sidewalk slam and flying clothesline from Kane for 2. When Kane's avalanche misses Taker hits a HUGE boot and legdrop (suck on that Hogan). He goes for Old School... but Kane catches him by the throat coming off the top! "I told you not to come back!" They both fight for chokeslams but it's Kane's that comes off. Bearer: "Damn you Kane!"
Kane laughs maniacally instead of covering. "Look at your Undertaker now!" He raises his hands in victory... and Undertaker sits up! Soupbones. He ducks his head on a whip and gets punted but no sells. Flying clothesline! Chokeslam! The crowd call for a Tombstone and Taker slashes his throat... Tombstone Piledriver! Death pin! 1, 2, 3!
Winner: The Undertaker (12-0 at Wrestlemania)
Verdict: 5/10. The match itself was fairly unremarkable but the spectacle of Undertaker returning to the deadman gimmick was truly something to behold. Throughly watchable.
* The video package for the main event covers HBK and HHH drawing in the Last Man Standing Match at the Rumble, while Benoit won the Rumble entering from number one and challenged HHH the next night. Ridiculously, Shawn winds up signing the match contract instead of Benoit, somehow earning him a shot too.
Main Event: Triple Threat World Heavyweight Championship Match - Triple H(C) vs Shawn Michaels vs Chris Benoit
MSG don't seem too enthused about Shawn, probably for politicking his way into Benoit's shot. Benoit's Tron is scratched into the cityscape - nice. Much like Eddie, it didn't sound like he got a very big pop only for the crowd to chant for him vehemently at the start of the match. Ah yes, after his bicycle shorts phase, here we have the start of HHH's white boots phase.
Benoit and HBK keep fighting over who batters HHH to start. The final time Shawn has to escape a crossface attempt and starts a chop war with Benoit - are you crazy!? Benoit whips Michaels into Hunter, then tries the crossface again out of a bridging exchange but gets rolled up for 2. Great Northern Lights Suplex gets 2 only for Shawn to clothesline him, cueing Triple H's return. He tries to shitcan Shawn, who skins the cat and unintentionally helps Hunter shitcan Benoit. BAACK body drop by HBK is met with "You screwed Bret" chants. H comes back with knees to both men, but when he sends Benoit to the apron Shawn baseball slides them both. Moonsault to both men on the outside!
He drags H back in (great continuity) for a near fall. Facebreaker by HHH but Benoit interrupts the Pedigree attempt. He knees the fuck out of HBK only to fall prey to the Bret buckle bump and get hooked in a Tree of Woe by H. Hunter whips Shawn into Benoit while he's in the Tree! He tries again but Shawn reverses and Benoit gets a foot up. Flying forearm and nip up by Michaels but Chris shitcans him. Triple Germans to Triple H! He goes for the headbutt but HBK crotches him. Hunter ducks a superkick to DDT Shawn and climb up to Benoit. King: "Both men literally pounding each other." *whit-woo*. Superplex gets 2. MSG: "Let's go Benoit!"
Pedigree... countered to the crossface! Shawn breaks it up and Germans Benoit to big heat. Chris quickly reverses with the triple Germans and flying headbutt! 1, 2... no. King: "Oh man, Triple H didn't even realise how close he became to being an ex-champion." Forearm by Shawn sends Benoit out. Nip up. HBK comeback special to Trips! SWEET CHIN MUSIC. 1, 2... Benoit pulls H out of the ring! Shawn chops Chris (again!?) but gets catapulted to the top of the post, prompting him to blade and wind up in the crossface! Shawn's going to tap... but H stops his hand hitting the mat! Ace. Trips tears up the Smackdown table, but Benoit tries to suplex him on the Spanish one! HBK interrupts, glances wordlessly at Hunter... they DOUBLE SUPLEX BENOIT THROUGH THE SMACKDOWN TABLE FROM THE SPANISH ONE!!!
MSG: "Holy shit!" Shawn, bleeding profusely, implores HHH to get back in the ring. JR: "Michaels is saying I don't give a damn, get in the ring, we're going to do it." *whit-woo*. H bumps over the top into a cameraman from a whip to the corner, then his face eats the post and knees hit the steps all at once, prompting a blade job and Michaels to accidentally elbow a camera. Shawn attacks the wound back inside but eats a Pedigree! It takes a while (ala vs Booker last year) but H covers. 1, 2... BENOIT breaks it up! King: "Did the EMTs throw him in the ring!? How did he get up!?"
H tries to Pedigree Benoit but gets locked in the Sharpshooter! He claws his way to the ropes only to get pulled back. Superkick to Benoit!!! 1, 2... NO! Big Benoit chants. HBK tunes up the band, but Benoit ducks to electric chair Shawn to the outside! Hunter goes for the Pedigree again... Benoit get the crossface!!! H is fading reaching the ropes, trying desperately to roll out, but Benoit holds on and Hunter winds up even further from the ropes. TRIPLE H TAPS OUT!
Winner: Chris Benoit (new champion, first reign)
Thunderous ovation for that finish. Eddie comes out and infamously hugs Benoit with tears in his eyes amid streamers and confetti. It's pretty uncomfortable to think both men would be dead within three years...
Verdict: 9/10. Your tolerance of this match in retrospect will depend on how well you can disassociate it from what became of Benoit and put up with the praise in light of what he did. I personally still got absorbed in the high drama, great workrate and interesting dynamics of the match. You had both HBK and Benoit trying to dethrone HHH as well as Hunter and Shawn wishing Benoit wasn't there so they could settle their personal score. Despite a fair bit of "one man dumped out, the other two have a singles match" booking many of the ways the dumped guy reinserted themselves were great and gave the match a brilliant flow. Final Thoughts: This is a close one. Again, your opinion may differ depending on your view of the Benoit tragedy, but even without that history hasn't been kind to this show in my view. It gets heralded as one of the all time classic Wrestlemanias but there is so much middle of the road stuff you have to trawl through (Cena vs Show, both Tag Title matches, the Women's title match) as well as some outright stinkers (the Playboy match and Lsenar vs Goldberg). Buried among all this are two great matches (Christian vs Jericho and the handicap tag), two classics (the two World Title matches) and one more big Wrestlemania moment in the form of the return of undead Undertaker (although you could arguably include two more depending on how much historical value Cena's first title win has and whether you find some morbid entertainment in trainwrecks like Lesnar vs Goldberg).
In the end I cheated and stuck with this set not just because of the high points of the actual show, but for the quality of the extras in the DVD set. A I mentioned in a prior post you also got excellent documentary "The Mania of Wrestlemania" with the show as well as a neat little Top Ten Matches of Wrestlemania countdown hosted by Ric Flair that's a neat nostalgia ride. The show itself gets a marginal recommend (just skip to the good stuff) while the DVD set gets a slightly heartier recommendation.
