My Favourite Albums of 2015: Part 2

Right then. Anyone who's missed part one have a clicky clicky here. Before I carry on I thought I'd give brief mention to some individual songs that tickled my taste buds.

Honourable Mentions (Tracks)

• Everything Everything - "Regret": Another surprising Mercury Prize snub, Get To Heaven was EE's best album to date, and this was one of their most succulent singles. Requisite dance move: raising alternate arms in turn each time I hear "Re-gret!", like a Motown singer. 

• The Cribs - "Burning For No One"/"Different Angle": Some vintage Cribs right here, big shouty choruses and catchy guitars tailor made for radio. Requisite dance moves: air bass after the bridge of "Burning For No One", bobbing my head, cooing like a pigeon at the oohs in "Different Angle".

• Songhoy Blues - "Al Hassidi Terei": These Malians make such happy music for a band with blues in their name. This is just a massively funky tune that always raises a smile. Requisite dance move: raising my hands for the high vocals, then floating them back down for the low vocals. Wash rinse repeat.

• Drenge - "Running Wild": Another band that's grown leaps and bounds this year, and this song in particular is an absolute monster. Filthy, sleazy, jaw-breaking guitars echo out everywhere and it's brilliant. Requisite dance move: stomping from foot to foot and swaying my head like a shark through water.

• Sharon Van Etten - "I Don't Want To Let You Down"/"Just Like Blood": 2014 was filled with Shazza-shaped goodness with her incredible Are We There album and a fabulous gig at Manchester Cathedral. As she toured into 2015 Sharon gave us another fabulous nugget of awesome in her I Don't Want To Let You Down EP. The title track is a lot more driven and rockier than usual with some lush guitar work, while the other highlight "Just Like Blood" is yet another marvellous, captivating vocal performance. Requisite dance move: foetal position.

Alrighty then, onwards we go!

5. Ashley Monroe - The Blade

Don't listen to that idiot who compared women in country music to tomatoes, there were loads of great country albums by females that won't leave you thinking "needs more lettuce/Luke Bryan". I've already mentioned Lindi Ortega, but in addition Kacey Musgraves, Alison Moorer and Gretchen Peters also made some really rewarding records, and ex-Pistol Annie Ashley Monroe brought us what hopefully will be viewed as a classic for years to come in The Blade.

This album has that winning combination of tremendous depth of material and, in Monroe, a wonderful performer who can offer enthusiasm, energy, sincerity, anxiety and heartbreak at the drop of a hat. Opening song "On To Something Good" is a truly infectious tune that's enough to make you brush off all your worries ("Hard times roll up but they don't hang around") but it's far too modest, Ashley's on to something great here. Many of the songs here have arrangements much brighter than the situations the characters in them face, which is a great way of getting you to root for them, such as on "If Love Was Fair" and "Dixie" ("I don't hate the weather, I don't hate the land; But if I had my way I'd never see this place again").

This album has lots of toe tappers and your toe will be tapping a hole in the floor at the magical "Winning Streak", which along with "I'm Good At Leaving" is when Ashley turns the honky tonk meter up to max. On the flip side, Monroe is equally impressive in gentler scenarios, offering consolation on the likes of "Weight Of The Load" ("True love's gonna find you; This much I know") and "Time To Time" ("Someday you'll be fine, sweet as wine; But it's alright to remember"), and reflecting on or living with decisions you've made like on the title track ("That's the risk you run when you love... and you give it all you've got to give") and "I Buried Your Love Alive". My favourite track, "Bombshell" is very much in this vein, telling the tale of someone weighting up the burden of ending a love gone wrong.
I guarantee you'll enjoy this much more than a tomato.

Standouts: "On To Something Good", "Bombshell", "The Blade"

4. Richard Hawley - Hollow Meadows

After the heavier, headier 2012's Standing At The Sky's Edge, Richard appears to have calmed down a bit and returned to something more akin to the romantic, delicate joys of Cole's Corner. Don't confuse "returning to a familiar sound" with "regression" though. I mean, you're completely entitled to think like that but it's at your own peril - you'll be missing out on one of the most luscious albums of the year.

That's not to say the beefy guitar work of Sky's Edge has been completely cast aside either; check out the fuzzy "Which Way" and the driving "Heart Of Oak". "Welcome The Sun" also shares a lot of its DNA with the starker moments of Truelove's Gutter. Undeniably, however, the most glorious moments on the record come from the gentler songs. The sweet "Serenade Of Blue" ("The stars are out tonight and they are all aligned; You can take it as a sign"), "Tuesday PM" ("Girl, oh you've been unfair; I think the game, it had some rules you didn't declare") and utterly gorgeous album closer "What Love Means" all contain the ability to melt any hearts within a hundred paces of them.

The passage of time is a key theme throughout the album and its subject matter, cropping up on the three best tracks in particular. Opener "I Still Want You" almost feels aimed at the listener - "Sorry I've been away so long; I needed just a little more time" Richard croons, in a voice that makes the three years between albums instantly forgiveable. "Long Time Down" meanwhile, is home to some of the album's best lyrics ("We caught us a blue train, what other way is there to ride?") and one of the best examples of Hawley's excellent work with his backing vocalists, the so-called "Hicks St. Chip Shop singers", bringing out the best in a wonderful chorus. "You know I've waited so long; Honey, where do we go now?" Beyond a shadow of a doubt it is "Nothing Like A Friend", quite rightly the centrepiece of the album, that is the high point of the record. A sparse song lyrically, it is again the wistful chorus where Hawley excels - "Will these city streets remember us? We walked them long ago; Blown apart by a bitter wind that took us far from home". And of course in the spirit of things old mate Jarvis Cocker is there to play "super bass".
Unsurprisingly, then, this national treasure delivers again, and long may he continue to do so.

Standouts: "I Still Want You","Long Time Down" , "Nothing Like A Friend"

3. Chris Stapleton - Traveller

In a world where everybody is still over-emphasising this "bro-country" epidemic it is distressing to see quality artists going under the radar, creating the impression that nobody is doing things the old fashioned way in the face of shite like Florida Georgia Line. Which is what makes the success of Chris Stapleton one of the most heartening stories of the year. His TRIPLE CMA award haul and star-making performance of "Tennessee Whiskey" with Justin Timberlake saw a hard working, well respected writer get the credit they deserve for a record that is simply a revelation.

Much like Ashley Monroe, Chris has collected a broad range of material to showcase himself, illustrating what an incredible voice he has both vocally and, with twelve of the fourteen songs crediting him as writer or co-writer, lyrically also. From inflective contemplations like "Whiskey And You" ("One's a devil, one keeps driving me insane") and "Daddy Don't Pray Anymore" to "fuck it, I'm screwed anyway" missives in the shape of "Nobody To Blame" ("I know what got her gone; Turned my life into this country song") and "Might As Well Get Stoned" by way of riotous stadium fillers such as the title track and "Parachute" ("You only need a roof when it's raining; Only need a fire when it's cold"). Stapleton's voice is by turns powerful, reflective, tender and warm.

Credit must also go Chris's co producer Dave Cobb. Together the pair have brought a crisp, rich sound out of every instrument and vocalist involved. Speaking of which, Chris' wife Morgane also deserves some major credit here. As one might expect of a husband and wife pairing, Mr and Mrs Stapleton have incredible chemistry when singing together. The pairing are wonderful on the title track and "Tennessee Whiskey", while the delightful "More Of You" sees them nigh on reach Johnny and June level. That sense of romanticism somehow seems to reach even greater heights on the utterly fantastic "When The Stars Come Out" which never ceases to give me butterflies and convince me that there's some magic in the air tonight.
Make it your duty to keep your eye on Chris. This feels like the beginning of something special.

Standouts: "Tennessee Whiskey", "Parachute", "When The Stars Come Out"

2. Father John Misty - I Love You, Honeybear 

His sense of humour might divide many, but personally I find a personality like Josh Tillman's Father John Misty persona a breath of fresh air when there are so many utterly bland pop stars around at the minute. Give me Misty trolling the media claiming Lou Reed asked him in a dream to take down his "Blank Space" cover over non-events like Justin Bieber wearing some band's T-shirt any day.

Believe it or not, I Love You, Honeybear is actually a pretty personal record, the vast majority of which is based around Tillman's relationship with his wife Emma. The "just kidding! bluster" as Tillman himself puts it is all a way of making him more comfortable with putting it out there. "Chateau Lobby #4" is all about the two meeting for the first time but of course in typical "tongue in cheek" fashion Misty twists his first experiences of love around virginal language ("Baby be gentle it's my first time I've got you inside"), in addition to being "cloaked in Disney" by the beautiful mariachi  arrangements. A clever turn of phrase like "When You're Smiling And Astride Me" is merely a diversion tactic from the song's true sentiment; "I can hardly believe I found you and I'm terrified by that".

On occasion, though, self awareness goes out of the window, like on "The Night Josh Tillman Came To Our Apartment". The intro has a real sit-com feel, and the lyrics seem to maintain that pretence with the narrator's put downs appearing to expose flaws in both himself and his subject equally. The line "She blames her excess on my influence but gladly Hoovers all my drugs." just gets me every time. "Bored In The USA" is another instance where opening one's mouth does more harm than good, as Misty's "first world problems" get cut down by laughter "They gave me a useless education *guffaws*, a subprime loan *more laughs* a craftsman home *ahahahaha*". It's these kind of quirks both musically and lyrically that make the Misty character and this album so fascinating and very rewarding upon repeat listens. The world would be a much more interesting place if there were more characters like this.

Standouts: "Chateau Lobby #4 (in C for Two Virgins)", "The Night Josh Tillman Came To Our Apartment", "Bored In The USA"

1. Courtney Barnett - Sometimes I Sit And Think, And Sometimes I Just Sit

Nobody can touch Courtney Barnett for crafting relatable, humorous tales filled with wit, attention to detail, self deprecation, and intelligence. Continual barrages of masterful turns of phrase leave you captivated. One article wound me up by focusing on all the technicalities her voice lacks which is utter bollocks: there's a greater depth of character and authenticity to her voice than 100 "competent" landfill indie singers put together. Sometimes I Sit And Think, And Sometimes I Just Sit (a wonderfully defeatist title, the origins of which either derive from Winnie The Pooh or some baseball player depending on the part of the internet you look) should hopefully see Courtney take off from cult favourite to globally renowned genius.

Opening track "Elevator Operator" is as immediate an introduction to an artist's many qualities as one could find: characters who are a little lost ("not suicidal just idling insignificantly") captured in vivid detail ("Oliver Paul, twenty years old; Thick head of hair worries he's going bald", "Her heels are high and her bag is snakeskin; Hair pulled so tight you can see her skeleton"). And who hasn't felt like Oliver, really? "I'm not going to work today; Gonna count the minutes that the trains run late". "I come up here for perception of clarity; I like to imagine I'm playing Sim City".

The entire album is littered with this kind of charm and many similarly pacey, catchy nuggets of rock. The sweet "Illustration Of Loneliness (Sleepless In New York)" somehow even makes an "I'm going to notice stuff 'til I'm asleep" narrative entertaining; "I lay awake at 3, staring at the ceiling; It's a kinda off-white, maybe it's a cream?" "Aqua Profunda!" perfectly captures the weirdly magnetic need to impress a stranger and naturally failing ("I took a tumble turn for the worse; It's a curse, my lack of athleticism"). Meanwhile "Dead Fox" sees Courtney's mind wander from organic food ("a little pesticide can't hurt") to conservation ("Maybe we should mull over culling cars instead of sharks?") via road safety ("a possum Jackson Pollock is painted on the tar").

While all the above are typically quite jolly and poppy, we also get some Lou Reed style introversion, with "Small Poppies"sees the prospect of mowing the lawn drawing a bit of an identity crisis - "I don't know quite who I am, oh but man I am trying", "I used to hate myself but now I think I'm alright", a position she finds herself in again on the even darker "Kim's Caravan" ("Don't ask me what I really mean; I am just a reflection of what you really wanna see") before appearing lost again on "Boxing Day Blues" ("I love all of your ideas; You love the idea of me; Lover, I've got no idea"). It is "Depreston" that provides the album's best quiet moment though, as Australia's infamous property issues hamper one couple's ambitions.

While the quieter and slower songs are perfectly captivating, it is the grungier material where Barnett excels the most and in the blistering "Pedestrian At Best" she has arguably written the song of the year. Channelling Eddie Vedder flitting between "Push Me, Pull Me" and "Do The Evolution", Courtney blasts through a sensational performance bemoaning her luck; "Daylight savings won't fix this mess", "I've made a mess of what should be a small success; But I digress, at least I tried my very best I guess".
You sure did Courtney, and you've made a record for the ages in doing so.

Standouts: "Elevator Operator", "Pedestrian At Best", "Dead Fox"

Merry Christmas everyone, here's to 2016.

My Favourite Albums of 2015: Part 1

Well this has been a pretty remarkable year, the busiest ever for this blog at least. This year saw me welcome a Wii U into my life, trips to Madrid, Geneva and France, and yes, of course I loved Star Wars to death.
But as per usual it's been a year filled with fabulous music and a whole heap of great gigs. So once again, in the spirit of giving the year a nice little pat on the back, here I am going over what music I enjoyed the most. As usual, this is a list of my ten favourite albums of the year - the albums I've drawn the most personal enjoyment out of rather than the ones I objectively think have been the best. But first up, a few honourable mentions.

Honourable Mentions

• PINS - Wild Nights: One of my favourite trips this year was venturing to Leeds for one day festival Gold Sounds and this album always brings back great memories of that. This album saw these Manchester girls build tremendously upon debut effort Girls Like Us - it feels like a lot of the ideas from that album are truly fully realised on Wild Nights, "Young Girls" in particular being ace.

• Lindi Ortega - Faded Gloryville: Canadian singer songwriter Ortega has that Dolly Parton-esque timbre in her voice that really drives the emotion of a song home and I'll be delighted to see her live next month. Songs like "Ashes" and "Run-down Neighbourhood" are pure genius.

• Oddisee - The Good Fight: It's been a fair few years since I've heard a hip hop album with such a great old school likeability. Lots of great sing along moments and tremendous flow, the likes of "Contradiction's Maze" and "I Meant It When I Said It" feel simply joyous.

• Alabama Shakes - Sound And Color: This one snuck up on me, but after embedding itself into my brain like a true earworm I believe this record finally sees the Shakes live up to the expectations debut single "Hold On" caused. The relaxed jingle of the title track, the desolation of "Dunes", the breakneck "The Greatest" - this album not only affirmed what a treasure lead singer Brittany Howard is but also saw the band exert a much bigger range than expected.

• Sleater-Kinney - No Cities To Love: I'm one of those people who completely missed out on Sleater-Kinney during their initial career and knew singer Carrie Brownstein more for Portlandia than her music, so thank goodness the band not only reformed but also made a great album rather than just tour past glories. The spiky and punch guitars are fantastic throughout, and the vocal play between Carrie and guitarist Corin Tucker is a delight ("No cities to loh-ah-ahrve"). Plus one of my favourite songs of the year, "A New Wave", spawned one of the coolest videos of the year (yay Bob's Burgers!).

So, onto my ten favourites. I'll cover 10 through 6 here, then my top 5 next time.

10. Ghostpoet - Shedding Skin

With his singles being a mainstay on 6Music's playlist, it has been hard for Ghostpoet to escape my attention. A very different kind of urban artist, his very considered approach and focus on real instrumentation has drawn a set of truly touching songs. The basslines are often key to the feel of tracks like driving opener "Off Peak Dreams" and the down right catchy "Sorry My Love, It's You Not Me", with keys or synths adding further layers to the atmosphere.

Another masterful feature of this album is the many winning cameos from other vocalists, each one complimenting Ghost's spoken word delivery perfectly. The phenomenal Nadine Shah (whose album Fast Food is also fantastic) is simply captivating on "X Marks The Spot" ("but you seem lonely") and "That Ring Down The Drain Kind Of Feeling" ("left broken hearted again"), while Paul Smith of Maximo Park exerts wonderful tenderness on the album's high point "Be Right Back, Moving House". Be sure to track this down.

Standouts: "Off Peak Dreams", "X Marks The Spot", "Be Right Back, Moving House"

9. The Tallest Man On Earth - Dark Bird Is Home

One distressing trend I've found glancing through the end of year Best Of lists is that the vast majority of people seem to be overlooking what I consider a career-best effort from Swede Kristian Matsson. What's worse is I've actually come across some attitudes online along the lines of "Urgh, what's with all the instruments?" after recording the album with a full band as opposed to the mainly solo, acoustic approach of his prior records.

I couldn't disagree more with that attitude. First coming across his work around the release of his album The Wild Hunt, Matsson sounded charming but I couldn't escape the feeling something was missing. It took hearing this album to realise what it was: the subtle strings and woodwind of "Singers", the pacey jangle of "Darkness Of A Dream", the beautiful jaunt of "Sangres". All of the gorgeous arrangements on show here hauled the monochrome of his older material out into the world of colour, I felt like Dorothy arriving in Oz, and yielded vast and expansive work like "Timothy" I wouldn't have thought TTMOE capable of in the past. This was such a joy to hear and a thoroughly rich experience. 

Standouts: "Darkness Of A Dream","Sagres","Seventeen"

8. Kendrick Lamar - To Pimp A Butterfly

Honsetly, the past couple of years I've found good hip hop hard to come by, so 2015 has been a true blessing. I've already mentioned Oddisee, but Golden Rules' Golden Ticket was another tremendous release as far as bringing the fun factor back to the genre (I urge any Outkast fans to check that album out). However, the undisputed king of the scene this year was Kendrick Lamar. Or as he put it in "King Kunta", "Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin'". No artist can match him as far as social impact goes, just look at those Cleveland protesters chanting "Alright" in the face of police harassment.

At first I felt To Pimp A Butterfly was a little weighted down by this sense of duty Kendrick appeared to have to truly reflect what was happening in his community today (I'm somewhat guilty of thinking "oh, fuck's sake" every time that "I remember you was conflicted" skit comes up"), but on reflection there's still plenty of moments where Kendrick finds time to be playful - basically just pissing around over Kamasi Wahington's sax on "For Free?" ("Thissss diccck ain't freeee"), crying out "What's the yams?" on "King Kunta", the entirety of his wheezy vocals on "u" making him sound like an old accordion. Naturally such a long album also covers a great range of material and one can also find moments of levity in the grooves of "Complexion (A Zulu Love)" and Anna Wise's great vocal work on "These Walls".

However, there's no doubt Kendrick is furious at the state of affairs in his country and some of the album's strongest moments come when he anoints himself the man to lead his generation, particularly on "King Kunta" ("I don't want you monkey-mouth motherfuckers sittin' in my throne again"), "Hood Politics" and the absolutely blistering "The Blacker The Berry". This man is a true sensation.

Standouts: "King Kunta", "Alright", "The Blacker The Berry"

7. The Staves - If I Was

When I saw this year's Mercury Prize nominations I was left pondering where the "token" folk record was. More specifically I was aghast at the absence of this magnificent sophomore effort by The Staves, a truly spectacular genre-transcending success story. The sisters Staveley-Taylor (Jessica, Emily and Camilla) are not only ace company out on the lash judging by their Facebook account but are also blessed with a vocal chemistry which yields truly heavenly harmonies (see the lush "Horizons" or the intricate "Let Me Down"). The girls' vocals could probably carry the album on their own.

Not that they need to, as this album finds them in the capable hands of producer Justin Vernon, who shows he's using his time away from Bon Iver very wisely (although seriously Justin, where is that next Bon Iver record!?). The deft touches of horns and keys on the likes of "Horizons", "Steady" and "Don't You Call Me Anymore" echo Bon Iver's eponymous album, while his own vocals on "Make It Holy" are a sublime foil to the higher register of the girls' harmonies. Not content with killing it with such beautifully crafted, genteel material, the sisters then shine on two all out blow away, hair down sing alongs in the glorious "Black & White" and the triumphant "Teeth White" - the year's ultimate "the world is out to get me and can fuck right off" anthem. Simply awe inspiring.

Standouts: "Black & White", "Horizons", "Teeth White"

6. Jason Isbell - Something More Than Free

Call it Americana, roots, country or whatever, but ex-Drive By Truckers member Jason Isbell is simply on fire when it comes to creating emotive and resonant tales of life's struggles. Everybody in music nowadays seems to yearn for authenticity but Isbell has such sincerity he appears to radiate it effortlessly. Take cheery opener "If It Takes A Lifetime", with its brilliant chorus ("I thought the highway loved me but she beat me like a drum"). Such breezy tales of ambition and hope could border on schmaltz, but Isbell's songwriting is so well grounded with his use of detail that the worlds he creates with his music feel like they have that fundamental "lived in" quality to them, such as "Flagship" ("The lights down in the lobby don't shine; They just flicker while the elevator winds").

Jason's journey from sobriety to marriage and ultimately fatherhood is no doubt a major factor in informing these experiences. The former is especially evident on "The Life You Chose" ("Here I am inviting you to throw your life away; Victim of nostalgia, maybe Tanqueray") and "Speed Trap Town" ("It's a Thursday night but there's a high school game; Sneak a bottle up the bleachers and forget my name").

Jason's wife Amanda plays fiddle throughout much of the album, giving it a lovely Comes A Time era Neil Young feel and nigh on stealing the show on "24 Frames". Meanwhile becoming a father appears to have prompted Jason to reflect on his upbringing on the simply stunning "Children Of Children", which features one of the most heartbreaking lyrics I've ever come across; "I was riding on my mother's hip, she was shorter than the corn; All the years I took from her just by being born." Good Lord almighty that's just breathtaking, how can you fail to be moved by that?
Please let this record into your life, you won't regret it.

Standouts: "If It Takes A Lifetime", "Children Of Children", "Something More Than Free"

Stick or Twist: WWE Vengeance 2005

WWE Vengeance 2005

June 26th 2005

Thomas & Mack Center, Las Vegas, Nevada

Attendance: 9,850

* Opening video hypes Cena getting drafted then the Hell in the Cell ("For every beginning, there comes an end"). Triple H, Bischoff, JR & Batista give their thoughts. Dave: "I know there will be pain, I know there will be blood; I just don't care". The set has a cool gambling/Las Vegas theme. 

Oh shit, look who's joined JR and King on commentary - Coach! This will be awkward. I remember interviews with JR and King on WWE.com at the time and their sentiment was they didn't like it and they always try to fiddle with the formula and it doesn't work. If THEY weren't on board with Coach being there how were we meant to be?

Match 1: WWE Intercontinental Championship Match - Carlito (C) vs Shelton Benjamin

Justin Roberts wrongly announces Carlito as the challenger. He was drafted to Raw the Monday before the show & won the belt in his first match, like he won the US Title in his first Smackdown match. They highlight a botched heelo by Shelton as a factor in his loss & question his condition as a result. There are quite a few signs in the crowd for Carlito, with duelling chants greeting both men.

Fireman's carry and flash pin by Benjamin has Carlito begging off. King thinks that immediacy shows Shelton's worried about his condition & having a long match. He impressively jackknifes out of a Carlito headscissors for 2. Carlito resorts to blows but gets kneed in the breadbasket. Finally he knocks Shelton down, but Benji nips up and gets a clothesline, prompting Carlito to try leaving only to be cut off. Carlito ducks a Stinger Splash but Shelton leaps up top and hits a clothesline. 1, 2, no. Benji's starting to look dazed.

Carlito chokes Shelton in the ropes to get the advantage, kicking his head causing him to fall outside to "Shelton sucks" and "Carlito" chants. A trio of slams back inside gets 2. RESTHOLD draws Shelton chants. Carlito randomly jaw jacks with the ref and Shelton school boys him for 2. King suggests Coach gets Carlito's hair do, but not JR - wouldn't fit under his hat!

Benji comes back with a jumping back elbow and Samoan Drop. It takes him a while but he finally fires up with rights, a baaack body drop and inverted backbreaker. 1, 2, no! Benji goes up top but loses his balance. Carlito tries cutting him off but gets hot shotted on the top rope, Shelton bumping outside! Springboard bulldog! 1, 2... no! Carlito undoes the top turnbuckle and hits an awkward Protobomb variant for 2. Dragon whip by Shelton! Stinger Splash... Carlito sends Shelton into the exposed buckle and rolls him up with the tights! 1, 2, 3!

Winner: Carlito (still champion)

Verdict: 7/10. Carlito was surprisingly uninspired working Shelton over, but Benjamin's high spots and the timing of his comebacks helped make for an entertaining match.

* Video package for Christy vs Victoria shows Victoria losing her temper after losing a bikini contest, Christy losing her temper the week after, then Victoria broke a glass... something over Christy's head mid-interview.

Match 2: Victoria vs Christy Hemme

Victoria's heel version of her Milkshake song is interesting. Christy runs to the ring & chases Victoria before being cut off. Hemme punts Victoria when her head is lowered from a whip then bashes her head against the canvas & top turnbuckle, choking her only to get hot shotted. Victoria pulls some of Christy's hair in a hangwoman variant. Lots of chokes - what is this, an early 90s Undertaker match? RESTHOLD. Vegas: "We want puppies". God the screams in this match, it's like the women's final at Wimbledon! 

Insert Serena Williams level yelps

Widow's Peak... Christy tries a roll up escape but gets dragged up by the hair and bashed against the buckle. Moonsault... Christy moved! She looks angry and does some hair pull throws. DDT. 1, 2, no! That surprised JR, he was like "A DDTEEE!" Victoria charges Christy in the corner, Hemme tries her split-legged sunset flip but Victoria drops down and grabs the ropes to get the 3!

Winner: Victoria

Verdict: 3.5/10. Very little of substance here. Christy sold anger pretty well but her offence was shit. Surprisingly, so was Victoria's.

 * Todd Grisham interviews John Cena. His street lingo is pretty embarrassing in retrospect. He feels like the new kid and asks Todd if he ever was. T-Grish goes on a tangent, revealing he had an "accident" once and got called "Todd Pissham". Cena was like "WTF!?" and returns to the point... being new, he's a target. He calls Christian the weird kid at the back of the bus picking his boogers and Y2J the guy in leopard skin spandex who stuffed his crotch. Too bad for them Cena was "the kid voted most likely to kick someone's ass". The Champ is here!

* The Kane vs Edge feud is covered next, highlighting Kane and Lita's weird relationship before she turned on him at the Gold Rush final. Pain was Kane's only friend but now he's found a pain that hurts so much. We then see the awesomely ridiculous wedding where Kane came out from under the canvas. "By the power invested in me by the Lord... JESUS CHRIST!!" Kane: "I'M BAAAAAACK!"

Match 3: Edge (Mr. Money in the Bank, w/Lita) vs Kane

Kane chases Edge round the ring & gets cut off (just like last match, Dammit D'Lo) only to hit the corner 10 punch, punching past the fan's 10 count. He maims Edge in the corner. Vegas: "We want Matt!" Clothesline over the top by Kane, who notices Lita talking shit to fans so decides to stalk her. Edge fails at a sneak attack. Vegas: "She's a crack whore!" Edge rakes the eyes and avoids getting shit canned but Kane punches him off the apron. King: "These fans say slut like it's a bad thing." 

Kane goes to snake eyes Edge into the post but Lita pulls him down to help him escape, throw Kane to the post & hit the spear outside! Edge tries to get a cheap count out. Kane gets in at 8 only to eat a baseball slide dropkick. Edge stomps Kane all over, shouldering him in the corner and kicking the crap out of him springing off the ropes. Kane's absorbing Edge's rights and asks for more, but Edge slips out of a slam and hits the Edge-o-matic. Kane sits up! And gets dropkicked down. And sits up again! Corner clotheslines by Kane. Edge blocks one but leaps off the second rope right into an uppercut! 

Snake eyes & lariat by Kane gets 2. He gets punted lowering his head on a whip but comes back with a sidewalk slam. Top rope clothesline... dropkicked out of mid air by Edge! Spear... met with a big boot! Kane wants a chokeslam but has to kick an interfering Snitsky off the apron. Goozle... Lita's in the ring with a chair. She flirts with Kane - it doesn't work! He chokes her, gets the chair & tries to Pillmanize her neck!! As the ref stops it, Snitsky sneaks in with a big boot. Edge covers - 1, 2... no. Fans were biting on that. Edge-a-cution... Kane throws him off like a beast, then goozles Snitsky as he comes off the top. Lita distracts the ref & Edge goes to hit Kane with the briefcase but Kane uses the tron to dodge and it hits Snitsky! GOOZLE! Chokeslam to Hell! 1, 2, 3! Fans loved that finish.

Winner: Kane

Verdict: 7.5/10. Here's how you book a punch-kick match. The opening wasn't anything spectacular but the flow and timing these two had together caused things to really pick up. I was gagging for an Edge vs Undertaker feud after this (if he could get something like this from Kane, imagine what he could do with Taker), he showed much more chemistry with Kane than the year before at Backlash.

* Fuck yeah the Angle-HBK rematch is next so they show highlights from Mania. HBK is interviewed. He seems aghast when Todd claimed Angle guaranteed he'd be the first to make him tap twice. HBK: "Story of my life, 'HBK can you top that?' I dunno. One thing though GUARANTEED! VENGEANCE... will be mine."

Match 4: Kurt Angle vs Shawn Michaels

JR marks out over seeing Shawn's first ever match and calls both men future Hall of Famers. Massive HBK chants greet Shawn in ring. JR claims Kurt's been wrestling since five years old!

Ace go behind by Angle forces a rope break. Oh God, Shawn hangs on for a headlock and I'm getting flashbacks to that bit from Mania. Angle doesn't mess around though, trying a single leg takedown to "Angle sucks" chants. Kurt gets the first knockdown only to get hip tossed & arm dragged. Angle awesomely wrestles from the bottom up to regain control, kneeing Shawn in the arm, causing him to take a breather. MASSIVE chops by Shawn then force KURT to take a breather. Kurt uses Shawn's concern for his arm against him to get a half crab. Michaels gets the ropes. Sunset flip... countered to the anklelock but Shawn rolls through & clotheslines Kurt out. Shawn pursues him outside. 

An Angle Slam to the post like at Mania is countered. Kurt then ducks a chop to German suplex Shawn onto the Spanish announce table! Vegas: "Holy shit!" The table didn't break & King wonders if Shawn's head hit one of the TVs under the table top. Angle brings HBK back in, viciously knees him and gets a neckbreaker for 2. MASSIVE uppercuts by Kurt, who powerbombs Michales into the buckle! 1, 2... no. JR: "That may have been the damnedest thing I've ever seen." RESTHOLD. JR: "I wouldn't count Shawn Michaels out if he was on his deathbed." JR gives Shawn credit for using the chops that irritate Angle, but he hits the buckles from a charge and eats a HUGE German! 1, 2... no! 

Angle Slam... armdrag counter. HBK gets flattened with a clothesline for 2. Kurt tries a belly to belly superplex but Shawn knocks him off, only to jump into a regular belly to belly. 1, 2, no. King: "I've heard cats say 'quick as Kurt Angle'" RESTHOLD CITY, Kurt cranking the neck ala Orton. Michaels suplexes out and both men brawl. King: "I don't think Kurt Angle can ever afford to throw wrestling out the window." Flying forearm by Shawn! Nip up. It's the HBK comeback special. Jesus his knee nearly hit Kurt's skull on the top rope elbow. He tunes up the band... oh Lord Kurt STEAMROLLERS him with a lariat!!! 1, 2, NO! Another Angle Slam effort... countered to a swinging DDT! 1, 2... no! Kurt's mouth is bleeding.

Michaels tries a suplex but Kurt floats behind for a German! He holds on but gets elbowed SQUARE on the bridge of the nose. Angle Slam! 1... 2... NO. Anklelock attempt... small package by Shawn - 1, 2... NO. Kurt rolls out of a waistlock tremendously to get the anklelock! HBK rolls through & Angle collides with the ref. Oh God, Kurt backdrops Michaels over the top and Shawn lands right on the hurt leg, giving it the hard sell. One smark buys it hook line and sinker: "C'mon Shawn! Don't let us down! C'mon shake it off! *Doctors call for help* Oh c'mon!" Kurt drags him back in. The straps are down. Anklelock! JR: "I'll be damned, Angle's gonna do it after all." Angle holds on despite Shawn's kicking. Rampant HBK chants. He reaches the ropes but Angle drags him back to the middle. Shawn finally rolls through to send Kurt to the post.

JR gets pissed at Coach counting Shawn out. Kurt walks right into a GARGANTUAN SWEET CHIN MUSIC!!! 1... 2... NO! Shawn's still draped over Kurt so he keeps his shoulder up, and just to be safe the ref pretends his hand is hurt too haha. Kurt finally shakes Shawn off and randomly heads up top. JR: "What's Angle thinking here?" King: "You can't think like Kurt Angle, JR... your head would explode." Naturally he's swatted out of mid air with Sweet Chin Music! 1... 2... 3! King: "Coach, can you believe it?" Coach: "I can't believe it!" JR: "Shawn Michaels believes it!"

Winner: Shawn Michaels 

Verdict: 9.5/10. Phenomenal as you'd expect. It felt much more organic than the Mania match aside from the finish; rather than the forced "this is going to be a classic" layout of the first match this was just balls to the wall "it's another day at the office but that still means you're getting my best." One of my all time favourite matches.

* Coach snuck backstage to interview Batista. He doesn't fancy Dave's odds, claims it took shady officiating for him to win at Backlash (bollocks) & like an idiot calls him "scared spitless". So Dave calls him an "ASS KISSING suck up" and reiterates he's not scared of Trips or the Cell. "Triple H is going to have to KILL ME to take my title." Ohnoz, Hunter shows up, says nobody beats him in the Cell, cuing a pull apart brawl!

* Randomly there's a sofa in the ring, and Lillian Garica. She introduces the man that's made her like a whirlwind - Viscera! Oh lord. Vis is wearing a huge, ace Heffner jacket. King to JR: "I know you're happily married, but is your wife?" Vis scared her at first but he's shown her what a SEXY man he is haha. She invites Vis to sit down, dims the lights and serenades him with a dodgy song about wanting him to "fill [her] up inside" that degenerates into "I love you"s. Lillian gets on one knee & proposes! Vis says that's heavy which is rich coming from him, but he'll consider it.

THE GODFATHER is here!!! He brought some Hoes! They're wearing fuck all. King: "Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug - it's the HO TRAIN, JR!" JR: "I'm shocked to see The Godfather." King: "I can't believe that with these Hoes in the ring you're looking at The Godfather. What's wrong with you?" JR: "I just said I was SHOCKED to see THE GODFATHER. There's not a damn thing wrong with me!" Godfather says Vis used to be a pimp in training - and you're talking about getting married? You really want one woman for the rest of your life? Or do you want to ride the HO TRAIN! Vis pervs over all the Hoes. Vegas: "Save the Hoes!" Vis: "All aboard the HOOO TRAIIIN!" JR: "He's gots to have it." Lilian breaks down in tears which is impressive. Vis turns back to Lilian on the ramp & says sorry.

* The WWE Title match is next. They recap Cena's shock draft to Raw & Christian interrupting ("you talk like Snoop Dogg but look like Corey Haim"). Cena gave him a five second pose in a nice call back. Y2J was annoyed to hear Christian was number one contender, so he beat up Cena after tagging with him, convincing Bischoff to make it a triple threat.

Match 5: Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship - John Cena (C) vs Chris Jericho vs Christian (w/Tyson Tomko)

Cap's overalls look a little off white. King proposes commentary each pick a guy to bet on and fights over Cap with Coach. Coach: "I know JR will pick John Cena." JR: "...it don't matter who JR picks."

Y2J slaps the piss out of Cena and gets taken down but John winds up double teamed by the Canucks. They try to upstaging each other with chops but Y2J turns on Christian. Tomko botches low bridging Jericho out, so pulls him out & hot shots him on the barricade. Cena hits a jumping hip toss & stomps a mudhole in Cap. Tomko clubs John in plain sight of the ref, so he's naturally told "YOU'RRREEEE OUTTA HEREEE!!!". Some problem solver he is. Christian runs into a Cena body press, then tries to leapfrog out of the corner but gets FUed to the outside! 

Top rope reverse elbow by Y2J! Gets 2. A thumb to the eye cuts off a Cena comeback to small "Cena sucks" chants. Bulldog by Jericho! Lionsault... Cena rolls away but runs into a forearm and is taken outside with a baseball slide. Chris sets up the Spanish table to some ECW chants. Cena blocks the attempted suplex through it and DDTs Jericho on the title belt. Cap sends John to the steps & hooks a RSTHOLD back in ring. Cap: "You can't see me!" He runs into a Cena clothesline. King: "I think he saw him". Yet another "ducked head on a whip gets punted" spot as John gets the Protobomb only for Jericho to pull him out into the steps to stop the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cap baseball slides Y2J into referee Earl Hebner, who tumbles painfully onto the Spanish table. 

Chris rolls through a knee & tries the Walls but Cap kicks him off into Cena (who'd got on the apron) & rolls him up for 2! Jericho cuts Christian off up top, then Cena powerbombs Jericho as he superplexes Christian!!! Cena gets near falls on both, then fires up with clotheslines, slamming Y2J & drop toe holding Cap onto him face first! U can't C me... DOUBLE FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE. Sunset flips to Jericho... Cap school boys Cena off for a near fall. DOUBLE JACKKNIFE by Chris gets 2, so Cena and Cap double clothesline him then take each other out. E'rbody down! A collision in the corner sees Y2J fall outside. Roll up on Cap: 1, 2... no. FU... rake to the eyes & reverse DDT by Cap! 1, 2... no!

Christian is salivating, and his attempt to bring the belt in allows Tomko to sneak in & clothesline Cena (what is this night of shit run ins?). That only gets 2, so Cap has a tantrum & raises his own hands, but Earl pulls them down and tells him "NO!" Backdrop to the outside by Cena! WALLS OF JERICHO! Cap started to get back in so Y2J springboard dropkicks him & reapplies the hold. Cap sneaks a roll up on Jericho: 1, 2... no. Bulldog ducked... Y2J shoves Christian off an Unprettier attempt... into the arms of Cena! He swings Cap's feet into Chris and hits the FU! 1... 2... 3!

Winner: John Cena (still champion)

Verdict: 8/10. Lots of one man in, one man out stuff, but a great bunch of spots near the end with everyone involved at once, and all three pairings never dull together.

* Oh boy, the Cell lowers to the ominous cage lowering noise. JR puts over Trips has never lost in the Cell (well, one on one) & Dave's never been in it. The feud is recapped from the very beginning. After winning the Backlash rematch, Dave rather dickishly says maybe Hunter isn't good enough, causing him to walk out for a while. Dave then showed Sting level blind faith in trusting Flair only to be betrayed when H came back to make the challenge for the Cell match.

Main Event: Hell in the Cell Match for the World Heavyweight Championship - Batista (C) vs Triple H

The door is chained shut so the Cell hangs over the ring as both men enter. JR: "The list of men Triple H has beaten inside the Cell reads like a who's who: Mick Foley, Chris Jericho, Kevin Nash, Shawn Michaels." King: "Mick Foley openly admitted, JR, that he was never the same man after he faced Triple H inside Hell in the Cell." Ace, Dave's finally got his Saliva theme! He got a huge pop, dare I say bigger than Cena's. He's in all white which is playing with fire. In a great move, he doesn't climb the ropes when posing in the corners because he doesn't want Hunter jumping him. The Cell finally lowers & "the grandfather" in JR  warns the audience this won't be family viewing.

Rights by Trips to start, but Dave comes back with a clothesline and sidewalk slam. Both men block attempt to send the other to the Cell. Oh, NOW we get a lock up! Batista powers H down, clotheslining him over the top, slamming the back of his head to the Cell & whipping him into it before Trips comes back by whipping him to the post. Big time Batista chants, as Hunter knocks him off the apron into the Cell from a head of steam! JR: "The Cell has a sadomasochistic personality in my view. It waits for its next victim, much like Triple H." Hunter finds a toolbox(!) and gets a chain from it. He whips it over Dave's back. Urgh, he reaches over the top to choke Batista with the chain, then knocks him off the apron so it's even tighter! 

Quickly Dave fights back, hotshotting Trips, whipping him with the chain, driving him back first into the post and corner of the Cell over and over, then finally taking him face first into the Cell. That busts H open... but before the Animal can capitalise the Game hits a beautiful spinebuster! Holy shit Hunter finds a chair WRAPPPED IN BARBED WIRE & whacks Dave in the back with it!! The cuts open up quickly. Batista thankfully blocks a headshot, but eats a facebreaker. Clothesline by Dave. He's got the chair... JESUS he whacks Hunter right in the head with it! JR: "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" He rakes the barbs over H's face!!! Now he grates his face into the Cell. Snake eyes into the Cell! Trips eventually evades Dave's shoulders in the corner and tries a Pedigree on the barbed chair, but Dave backdrops out and gets a front powerslam on the chair. 1... 2... no. 

Batista gets the chain... and Hunter lures him into a DDT on the barbed chair! That's his cue to blade. Some dick yells boring as H rams the Animal's wound into the Cell. Hunter's got the hammer. JR: "Not the damned sledgehammer!" Dave slugs back, but his Batista Bomb is backdropped out of. Hammer shot by Hunter! 1... 2... NO! Big Batista chants. Hunter swings for a prone Dave... and gets kicked in the nuts. Batista grabs the hammer, roars and runs at H... and gets punched with the chain! 1, 2... no. Trips goes to the second rope for another chain punch... but Dave gets the hammer head right under Hunter's jaw! He spits blood on impact (yeah sure) & Flair flops. JR: "The slobber knocker of all slobber knockers."

Dave brings the base of the steps in the ring, props it in the corner and splatters Hunter's face into it. Thumbs up? Thumbs down... but Trips gets a colossal low blow. Pedigree!! 1... 2... NO! King: "He can't believe it, Triple H has lived and died by the Pedigree." H sets the stair base flat in the ring. Pedigree on the base?! ...SPINEBUSTER ON THE BASE BY BATISTA!!! Batista Bomb attempt... Trips grabbed the hammer & goes to swing at Dave... but gets hit with the Batista Bomb before he can strike!!! 1... 2... 3! What a great finish, with a great image of Hunter downed, hammer still in hand.

Winner: Batista (still champion)

Verdict: 9/10. Excellent weapons brawl. It started with fundamental "you use the weapon, I use the weapon" booking, but my God the way they upped and upped the violence was just phenomenal. It was great to see some different weapons from the norm (the chain, THAT barbed wire chair, the base of the steps as opposed to the top). Dave might not be a five star wrestler, but he's a great brawler who'll adapt to a gimmick or environment well. Major props to Hunter too.

Final Thoughts: Oh boy, I just loved Spring/Summer 2005 in WWE. This is one of my personal favourite pay per views of all time. It's only a six match card, so of course there's a bit of filler with that daft Viscera angle, but other than that they used the time between matches well with lots of hype packages and interviews. The women's match is the only one that's an outright dud. Besides that, you've got a decent IC Title match, a well booked Kane-Edge match, legitimately one of the best matches of all time from Kurt and HBK, a good WWE Title match and Batista and Triple H's best match together in a great Cell match with some pretty innovative violence. This is the definition of a keeper.

TL;DR - A great, focused show with little that failed to deliver.

Final Verdict: STICK